Hayden Panettiere is promoting her memoir, This Is Me: A Reckoning, out next week. She’s given interviews to outlets including US Weekly and Jay Shetty’s podcast. We covered Hayden’s interview with Jay a few days ago. She went into detail about her difficult childhood as a child actress. Hayden was her family’s breadwinner from a young age and, once Hayden fired her mom as her manager, her mom refused to have a personal relationship with her. I’m going to quote Page Six here as they do a good job summing up Hayden’s comments to Jay:
Hayden told podcaster Jay Shetty that she was 19 and in the midst of filming the superhero drama series — which ran from 2006 to 2010 — when she told [her mom Lesley] Vogel, “I don’t want us to work together anymore; I just want you to be my mom.”
She claimed her mother responded, “You owe me,” which [Hayden] admittedly “wasn’t expecting” to hear.
Though Hayden was partially “relieved” that the conversation was “short,” she soon felt “this dark looming cloud over [her] head going, ‘What does she mean by I owe her? What form of payment is she expecting?’”
The “Remember the Titans” star was “disappointed” when she “found out” that her mom allegedly just wanted “money.”
Once the “business aspect” of their relationship was “removed,” Hayden hoped the pair’s personal relationship would improve.
“The fact that it seemed like she didn’t want to — didn’t care to — have a relationship with me was a tough pill to swallow,” she told Jetty…
“I remember [Vogel] actually turning to me one night and saying, ‘You’re the reason why I’m missing my son growing up.’ And that was a punch in the gut,” Hayden claimed, insisting that although she “loved” acting and “had great experiences,” she “didn’t ask” for it.
Page Six has a response from Hayden’s mom, Lesley Vogel, and it’s frankly scary. Lesley claims Hayden has a personality disorder and can’t ever change. Lesley says that she’s the one who cut off contact with Hayden after “20 years of trauma” and that she hopes Hayden gets help. (Hayden is just 36 years old so the trauma would have started for Lesley when her daughter was 16.) Hayden’s younger brother and her only sibling, Jansen Panettiere, died from a heart condition in 2023 at the age of 28. You would think that Hayden’s mom would be more open to having a relationship with her. Instead Lesley weaponizes therapy speak to try to claim Hayden is broken and to justify cutting her out of her life. Here’s what she told Page Six:
In response, Vogel, 70, exclusively told Page Six that she believes “the present drama is partially to sell books.”
She went on to say, “There is a personality ‘style’ which manifests as a need for control, entitlement and a lack of empathy. The major fear is that someone will see through the mask they present to the world and discover who they truthfully are.”
According to Vogel, “this condition cannot be ‘fixed’” regardless of “continual efforts to support” or “comfort.” No matter the “encouragement given, it will never be enough.”
Vogel, a former actress, claimed “this personality style does not accept responsibility for life choices and therefore feels they have no need to alter their behavior.”
She continued, “After 20 years of trauma, I took the advice of professionals and chose the no-contact route. As many parents of entertainment children [know], we are all too familiar with the painful observation of watching the self-destructive paths they sometimes choose. No parent hopes for this scenario; we want our children to be the best of themselves and live a peaceful, joyful life!
“Sadly, this is out of our control. You cannot save someone who does not want to be saved. Radical acceptance is the most difficult challenge any parent must embrace. Unfortunately, I have seen a great deal of such in my life experience.”
Vogel — whose son, Jansen Panettiere, died in February 2023 at the age of 28 — added, “When someone leaves, the smear campaign begins; accusations, anger, belittling, gaslighting, etc. are the classic signs of this behavior style. The craving of drama and punitive action is traditional and to be expected.”
While she is “now retired” and searches for her “personal path to a joyous and peaceful life,” the Jansen Rane Panettiere Art Foundation founder acknowledged that “there is always that flicker of hope [that Hayden], too, will find her path to inner peace.”
What a nasty piece of work Hayden’s mom is! I hope Hayden doesn’t go easy on her in her book and that she reveals all the ways Lesley exploited and (allegedly) emotionally abused her. Hayden is sober now after struggling with drug addiction while she was in an abusive relationship. It would be understandable if Lesley had referenced Hayden’s addiction or the fact that they’ve been estranged due to circumstances. She could have said that “recollections may vary” and that she hopes she can mend their relationship at some point. Instead she took zero responsibility as Hayden’s mother and claimed that her own daughter is an awful person who will never change. Hayden is well rid of her and I have even more sympathy for her now.
photos credit: Anthony, PacificCoastNews.com/Avalon, Michael Williams/startraksphoto.com, Roger Wong/INFphoto.com, Bill Davila/startraksphoto.com