DEAR READERS: I got so many great responses to the letter from “Anxieties on Getting Old” that I am printing two of them for you to enjoy.
Related Articles
Harriette Cole: How do I tell my daughter my feelings about the man she loves?
Harriette Cole: Should I detach from my son, the ‘mama’s boy’?
Harriette Cole: While my wife and I were arguing, our house caught fire
Harriette Cole: I’m one of the best performers, so why was I laid off?
Harriette Cole: I’m living a teen rom-com, and I don’t know how to deal with the mean girls
I love when you write to me with your questions and responses. Keep them coming!
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have some additional ideas for you in answering “Anxieties on Getting Old.”
This person was worried about end-of-life planning, and you rightly told her to look to her friends and relatives, and to start investing in long-term care.
But there is more to end-of-life planning than this. I belong to a nonprofit organization called Compassion and Choices, and we advocate improved health care, expanded options and the ability for everyone to plan their own end-of-life journey. This means writing advanced directives, talking to family about what kind of care you want as you age and making plans for a gentle death and dignified end.
The group’s website, compassionandchoices.org, is packed with valuable information, and I would recommend a book by the founder, Barbara Coombs Lee, “Finish Strong: Putting Your Priorities First at Life’s End.”
— End-of-Life Planning
DEAR END-OF-LIFE PLANNING: Thank you for both of these invaluable resources. As our population ages, there are many people who are facing the realities of what their lives can look like in their twilight years. This information is gold.
DEAR HARRIETTE: “Anxieties on Getting Old” needs to investigate CCRCs, Continuing Care Retirement Communities.
My husband and I moved into our CCRC in Virginia Beach, Virginia, at age 70. We are now 87. We each have had several surgeries and illnesses, and we received excellent care both in our five-star-rated nursing facility and in our own apartment.
We have made many friends and taken part in a large number of stimulating activities and classes, all while having the peace of mind that comes from knowing that whatever the future brings, our facility, our new home, will care for us. We and our friends frequently remark, “We live in the right place.”
The sale of our home paid our initial buy-in for a life interest in our community. Now that neither of us drives, there is frequent transportation to shopping and events outside the community. Our primary health care is in-house, with regularly scheduled appointments as well as a walk-in clinic every weekday morning if a medical problem arises.
Our chaplains provide regular religious services and counseling, and our facility provides nursing care in our own apartment for conditions that do not require being in the nursing facility, as well as caring hospice services when that is needed. We truly do live in the right place.
— Happy Octogenarian
Related Articles
Ask Amy Dickinson: The new employee sends me creepy notes, and I feel like I’m being stalked
Miss Manners: Is her table setting practice weird and unclean, or am I too fastidious?
Dear Abby: What’s a classy way to reach out to a man who’s not exactly single?
Ask Amy: What did my friend mean by this comment about my husband’s death?
Harriette Cole: How do I tell my daughter my feelings about the man she loves?
DEAR HAPPY OCTOGENARIAN: What a wonderful story — and proof that planning can work.
My 94-year-old mother moved into a retirement community when she was 88 — her choice. She now is in assisted living and loves her facility because of all of the activities and care that it offers. She wanted to be in an active place, which has turned out to be perfect for her.
Thank you for sharing what has worked for you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.