DEAR HARRIETTE: I need some advice regarding a recent incident that occurred during a play date at the park with a close mom friend of mine.
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Three days ago, our 5-year-old children were playing together when, unfortunately, my friend’s child hit mine, leaving a noticeable red mark on my child’s face. He cried for 10 minutes straight.
My friend didn’t seem to care and didn’t even reprimand her son.
Understandably, I am quite upset by this turn of events. My friend seems to be attempting to downplay the severity of the situation, suggesting that it’s just a normal part of children’s interactions and that I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it.
While I understand that children can sometimes be rough during play, I’m concerned about the safety and well-being of my child. I’m hesitant to arrange future play dates if there’s a risk of similar incidents occurring.
How can I address this issue with my friend in a way that preserves our friendship while also ensuring the safety of my child?
— Spoiled Play Date
DEAR SPOILED PLAY DATE: You need to have a direct conversation with your friend.
Let her know that you do not appreciate that she downplayed the impact that her child had on yours. While it may have been an accident, it did happen.
You believe the child should have been reprimanded. You believe that when children are not required to learn from their mistakes and atone for them — i.e., apologize to your child — such behaviors can occur again. Admit that you are now questioning if you two share the same values, given her reaction.
Let her know that while you don’t want to blow this out of proportion, you are concerned that she is simply blowing it off.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My 26-year-old friend has been dating her boyfriend for six months now, and from what I’ve observed, the relationship seems to be taking a concerning turn.
Her boyfriend exhibits controlling behavior, such as not allowing her to go out at night without him and dictating how she spends her money.
I’m worried about the impact this is having on my friend’s well-being and autonomy. However, I’m hesitant to confront her about it.
I fear she may react defensively or dismiss my concerns, possibly accusing me of being jealous or not understanding because I’m not in a relationship myself.
How can I approach this situation and communicate my worries to my friend without causing her to become defensive or pushing her further into the arms of her controlling boyfriend?
— Out of Control
DEAR OUT OF CONTROL: As a friend, you can invite your friend out, just the two of you.
Tell her you want to share some observations with her. Get her blessing to share. As directly and compassionately as you can muster, tell her you are concerned about her well-being. Give her a few examples.
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Tell her you love her no matter what, but as her friend, you felt you had to mention these things.
Suggest that she observe her life for a few days or weeks and consider whether she is comfortable and safe. If so, great. If not, she should seek help.
She may get angry, but hopefully she will pay attention.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.