DEAR HARRIETTE: There is a concerning situation involving a boy I know who is intelligent but not considered cool by his peers — he’s a nerd.
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The girl he likes has been using him for her personal gain, manipulating him into doing her assignments and projects. Despite my attempts to warn him about her intentions, he does not seem to heed my advice.
Witnessing someone being taken advantage of in this manner troubles me deeply. I care about my friend and want to protect him from being used and manipulated by others. It is disheartening to see him being exploited for his intelligence and kindness, especially by someone he has feelings for.
Should I step back and allow him to learn from his experiences, even if it means watching him endure further harm?
— Friend’s Exploitation
DEAR FRIEND’S EXPLOITATION: It sounds like you have done what you can do to support your friend.
When people are “in like,” they often can’t see what’s in front of their faces. You can be there to listen to him and talk to him as time goes on.
If you notice that this girl is doing anything that will physically hurt him, point that out. Otherwise, it’s a waiting game. He has to come to his own understanding of what’s happening and deal with it.
Whether one is a nerd or not, we all go through challenges where our hearts are tested.
DEAR HARRIETTE: After years of working in human resources, I can say a vast majority of employees who believe they do “great work” and are “assets to their companies” are, in reality, mediocre and frequently refuse to accept any feedback that isn’t positive.
Many managers are reluctant to deal with disgruntled employees and don’t give performance reviews that help their staff to improve or evolve. These are difficult conversations, but, if done correctly, professionally and with tact, their employees will not be so surprised when they are handed a pink slip.
— Reality Check
DEAR REALITY CHECK: Thank you for writing in with your wisdom. You are absolutely right to point out that what one person calls “great work” may likely be what’s known as “doing your job.”
There is a generation of people who grew up getting a trophy just because they ran the race — literally. Many of those people naturally believe they should be cheered on for doing just the basics. Yet, reality is different.
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In order to excel and grow in a company — or anywhere in life, for that matter — you have to stretch. You have to do more than what is expected and truly strive for excellence consistently. To figure that out requires being crystal clear about what is expected of you and about what a reach looks like. That calls for active communication with your manager, team leader, co-workers, etc.
One final thought: A leader in HR once told me that a smart employee always knows what will be said in a performance review because that person has done the due diligence to learn how well they are doing all along the way.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.