DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve recently noticed the stark contrast in how people treat you based on how much you weigh.
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I used to binge-eat, then go days without eating due to overwhelming guilt. Despite this habit, I was overweight.
Having shed 89 pounds since then, I now fall into the category of conventionally skinny, and people now call me beautiful. I hardly heard that before.
The sudden attention makes me feel uneasy, prompting reflections on the treatment I experienced in the past. While it may sound trivial to some, it’s a disheartening realization for me.
— Used To Be the Fat Friend
DEAR USED TO BE THE FAT FRIEND: Sadly, we live in a culture that treats people differently based on their physical sizes. Is it fair? No, but it is true.
In recent years, many efforts have been made toward body positivity and size inclusivity. Many fashion companies have expanded their size offerings beyond a 14, and some regularly feature curvy models in their ad campaigns. Efforts are being made to change people’s opinions about fuller-bodied people.
Yet, you are experiencing something that is all too real. Generally, people in this country equate beauty with a slim body.
I recently watched “An Oprah Special: Shame, Blame and the Weight Loss Revolution.” Even for her, a rich, internationally revered woman, people regularly body-shamed her when she was larger. It affected her self-image and confidence.
Yes, all of us can be impacted by the ways others evaluate and judge us. To change that, we must all be kind to everyone and celebrate the beauty and goodness in others as they are.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A cousin from my father’s side invited a cousin from her mother’s side to my kid’s christening. (Convoluted, right?)
The event had a strict guest limit of 50 due to budget constraints, with each extra person incurring extra charges. Despite the cost, I added her to the guest list per my cousin’s request. Then she arrived with two extra individuals — her driver and her sister.
I find it thoughtless and rude that she didn’t give any of us a heads-up about bringing additional people to an event where she was a guest out of consideration.
I have no intention of asking them to pay the extra charges, as I believe that would be a little embarrassing, but I feel put off about the whole situation. Is this a common thing?
— Additional Guests
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DEAR ADDITIONAL GUESTS: You have every right to speak to your cousin about this situation.
Let her know how shocked you were that after you graciously allowed the one extra person to attend at her request, this woman brought two additional uninvited guests.
Whether or not you ask her to give you the money, you can tell her that these uninvited people added many unexpected dollars to your event. If she offers to reimburse you, accept it. You shouldn’t have to ask her for it.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.