DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 25-year-old living in an expensive city in the United States. I’ve always been frugal, but lately, this mindset has led me down a troubling path.
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I’ve found myself giving in to the temptation to steal items from stores rather than purchase them.
At first, it seemed like a harmless way to save a few dollars, but now I can’t shake the guilt that accompanies me when I look at each item.
The other day, I stole a blow dryer because I had broken mine and didn’t want to pay for a new one. That same day, my blow dryer started working again. Now I have two, and I don’t know what to do with the old one.
I know stealing is wrong, and I hate the feeling of being deceitful. Deep down, I know I need to stop, but I’m unsure how to break this habit and make things right.
How can I overcome my aversion to spending money responsibly and stop myself from resorting to stealing?
— Sticky Fingers
DEAR STICKY FINGERS: Take a deep breath and pause for a moment. Look at your life. Ask yourself what you are doing and why.
More, ask yourself what you want for your life. Do you want to be a criminal? Do you want to be someone who takes from others? Do you want to live in a city you cannot afford? What do you want? You have choices here.
Before you anchor yourself in a blurred reality that convinces you that stealing from anyone is a viable choice, decide what kind of person you want to be.
Get professional help so that you can sort through your feelings and behaviors. You need to figure out what has led you to steal from others so that you can learn how to stop.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, my friend canceled plans we had made together because she was offered a chance to go on a date where she would get an expensive meal for free from a guy she’d been seeing.
It’s not the first time something like this has happened, and I can’t help but feel like she prioritizes these situations over spending time with me. She’s just always looking for the best opportunity — no matter if it hurts the people closest to her.
While I understand the allure of a free meal, it stings to think that my friend would choose that over our plans. It feels like I’m being sidelined in favor of someone or something else.
I value our friendship and the time we spend together, but incidents like these make me question if she feels the same. How should I approach this situation with my friend?
— Sidelined
DEAR SIDELINED: Confront your friend, and tell her how you feel.
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Point out that you understand that she may want to enjoy a fancy meal with a date, but it shouldn’t be at your expense. If that person really wants to go out with her, why can’t they choose another time to do it?
Tell her that you are hurt that she does not prioritize your friendship. If she continues with this behavior, you will have to accept that she is not going to value your friendship the way you deserve.
Then the next step is up to you. It’s time to move on.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.