DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel disrespected because I was laid off despite being one of the best performers in my role.
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It is disheartening to feel undervalued and overlooked, especially when I have dedicated myself to my job and consistently produced high-quality work.
The decision to let me go has left me feeling confused and demoralized; I believe I deserved better treatment given my track record.
How can I regain my sense of worth and confidence after this setback?
— Disrespected
DEAR DISRESPECTED: Being let go is hard to accept, no matter who you are. I’m sorry it happened to you.
Were you told why the company let you go? Sometimes hearing an explanation from your employer for your firing can at least help you get your head around the situation and give you something to study as you move on.
You might follow up with your manager to ask what the cause was and if there is any advice on how you can perform better in the future. I know that may be the last thing you want to do, but that approach may give you answers. Could it be the economy? The fiscal health of your company? The direction in which the company is headed and how your role no longer fits in it? Your attitude?
If there appears to be no legitimate reason for the firing, you can consider suing. But I recommend studying the job and your way of doing it and applying the lessons to your next work experience. Forgive them for not nurturing your great qualities, and move on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am responding to the letter by “In the Shadows,” the introvert with the extroverted friend.
I am in the same situation, and I believe that there is another perspective on it.
Introverts tend to have few people that they call friends, and they are very attached to them. Extroverts surround themselves with people they consider close friends.
I tend to have one person at a time I consider close, and I gravitate toward extroverts because there is less pressure for me to carry on conversation and so forth.
These friends and I don’t get together all the time, but I know that if I need to talk something out, they will be right there for me.
I see them active in many other people’s lives, but I have to watch myself to keep from being jealous of those other friends. It is not my place to dictate how my extroverted buddy spends her time away from me, and if I were to tell her that I need more attention from her, I expect that she would see me as clingy and demanding and back off.
It is not because she doesn’t love me; we just have different expectations of what friendship involves.
— Understanding the Shadows
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DEAR UNDERSTANDING THE SHADOWS: Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience and perspective.
We know that clinginess can serve as a repellent for friendships, and it is easy to fall into that space if you rely more on a friend than is reciprocated. Owning your own behavior and experience is always the way to go. Your example gives concrete suggestions for how to manage this challenging scenario. Much appreciated.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.