DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding “Stop Bullying Me,” the woman whose mother bullied her about her weight, I have the opposite issue — almost.
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A good friend(?) of mine is constantly ragging on me about my weight. I know I’m underweight, and she never lets up on me. She calls me Twigs, Skinny Minnie, etc. She’s always going on about it.
She, on the other hand, is overweight and is now facing diabetes.
The last time she started name-calling, I looked her dead on and told her if she didn’t stop calling me those names, I would call her “Fatso.” She said “No, you won’t.” I replied, “Just watch me, Fatso!” Well, that stopped her dead in her tracks, and she has held her tongue since.
I have noticed that people have no hesitation to ask what a thin person weighs, but they never ask an obese person! I have had complete strangers tell me how thin I am. No stranger dares to walk up to an obese person to tell them they are fat! Why are we targeted?
For reference, I am in my early 60s, and my friend is mid-70s, so it has nothing to do with age. Is it immaturity? Envy? Curiosity? Or plain intrusiveness?
— I Have a Name, and It’s Not My Weight
DEAR I HAVE A NAME, AND IT’S NOT MY WEIGHT: Years ago, when I was the skinniest one in my family, I had the same problem. People were relentless with their disparaging comments.
Several people told me they thought I got those comments due to jealousy. “Everybody wants to be skinny, right?” It hurts, regardless of the motivation.
I agree that it is really difficult to call somebody out when they tease you. But you already saw that slapping back can sometimes stop them. So, for a while, counter with your names when they come for you. At the very least, it may start a conversation about the impact of teasing.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 20-year-old student who recently relocated temporarily to Europe. I have been living here for two months, and I love it.
I have recently been feeling guilty because I have done a poor job of keeping in touch with my family.
I was raised to be extremely independent, so I don’t often rely on my parents or older sisters for help with anything in my life emotionally or financially; therefore, I don’t often call — and neither do they because they know I am very busy.
I believe my subconscious feels horrible about the distance because I had a dream about my oldest sister the other day, and when I woke up, I realized she hadn’t even crossed my mind since I arrived in Europe. I haven’t talked to her since December, and I feel horrible but also annoyed because I always have to call her, and so does everyone else in the family.
How can I address this guilt and find a balance between my independence and maintaining connections with my family?
— Independent
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DEAR INDEPENDENT: For your peace of mind, establish a rhythm for contacting your family members just to say hi.
It can be anything from once a week to once a month. You can call or text. In that way, you know you are making an effort. It’s nice to keep them in the loop while you’re on your grand adventure.
Look past your big sister blues and stay in touch with her. Don’t worry about what she does or doesn’t do. Do your part so that you feel comfortable. She will do whatever she chooses.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.