DEAR HARRIETTE: I do not care for my daughter’s suitor because I’ve heard negative things about him.
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However, my daughter has expressed her love for him. I am torn between my concerns and her feelings.
I value my daughter’s happiness and want to support her choices, but I also want to ensure that she is in a healthy and positive relationship.
How can I reconcile my reservations about the suitor with my daughter’s feelings for him?
— Daughter’s Love Dilemma
DEAR DAUGHTER’S LOVE DILEMMA: Tread lightly here. When people feel they are in love, their ears are closed to criticism and their eyes are blinded to reality.
Do not approach your daughter to complain about her man. Instead, ask strategic questions from time to time that will get her to think. What does he do for her that makes her happy? How does he handle conflict when it comes up? What are his plans for the future? Have the two of them talked about anything long-term? What does she want in a relationship? Does he offer those things to her?
If and when she confides in you about something that may not be going well, do not give her the “I told you so” look or comment. Instead, ask her what she plans to do about it.
Invite her to practice what she plans to say so that you can offer feedback. Do not judge her when she articulates her views.
You can let her know your skepticism without telling her what to do. She must make her own decisions.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am still living an unhealthy lifestyle that includes consuming soft drinks, despite being diagnosed with diabetes.
I recognize that this habit is detrimental to my health and could worsen my condition, but I find it difficult to break free from it. I need guidance on how to shift my mindset and make healthier choices for my well-being.
I understand the importance of maintaining a balanced diet and managing my condition effectively, yet I continue to engage in behaviors that undermine my health. I don’t know how to cultivate a mindset that promotes self-care and wellness.
— Unhealthy Habits, Unhealthy Living
DEAR UNHEALTHY HABITS, UNHEALTHY LIVING: Now is the time to get professional help.
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Harriette Cole: Should I detach from my son, the ‘mama’s boy’?
Engage the services of a nutritionist who can design an eating plan for you. Post it on your refrigerator, and then make the conscious choice to purchase items on the healthy list only. Write out a grocery list and check it off each day. Resist the sweet drinks and other foods that will cause you harm.
Get a therapist. This professional will help you learn to make those hard decisions to walk past the soft drinks and other unhealthy foods.
You are right that you have to completely change your mindset and decide that you are worth the commitment and changes required to literally save your life. It takes time to adopt healthy strategies for living, but you can do it. It starts with you making that pivotal choice to do what is best for you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.