Dear Amy: I have helped out my sister’s children over the years. (She is a single mom.)
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I provided vacations every summer and school clothes at the end of summer, hosted them for many Christmas breaks and made sure they had presents, and gave money to their mom.
Now they’re grown.
The youngest is getting married soon in my city. The wedding is small, and I did not make the guest list.
I am disappointed but I understand that they have a tight budget.
The problem is my sister has asked to stay with me during the weekend of festivities, and I feel like it is a very insensitive request and rubbing my nose in the fact that I was not invited.
Right or wrong, I feel like it would be hard to watch the weekend of wedding festivities and not be included. How do I respond?
– Upset Aunt
Dear Upset Aunt: You have been a very generous family member, but this does not guarantee a return on your investment. I’m sorry you were not included in this celebration, and I can understand why this feels like a snub.
You can say no to your sister, but I think you should let her stay in your place and during this time you should do something special for yourself. Plan your own adventure out of town.
Dear Amy: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for the past year. I brought my pets and moved in with him in December. He’s an amazing guy – the absolute best!
The issue arises with his house.
He owns a three-bedroom house. Last July his sister and her family moved in with him. Now there are four adults, six kids, three cats and two dogs.
My cats have reached their limits with the children and avoid them.
My dogs love to try to be around the kids but because one is a puppy, they complained and now my dogs regularly have to stay outside or in the garage.
I have absolutely had it with this family.
I feel like my boyfriend and I have become prisoners in his house because there is constant drama and chaos.
When his sister’s family has fights, we basically have to sit in our room, or in the garage (we ended up converting it to a bedroom), while they slam doors and stuff inside the house.
And if we even try to start to bring stuff up, it’s World War III.
How do I tell my boyfriend I’m sick of how they take advantage of him and disrespect his house and belongings?
I get that they were there when I moved in, but I want them gone, ASAP, but I don’t want to be the bad guy!
– Woman, Standing on the Edge
Dear Standing: Even though you maintain that this family has encroached upon your boyfriend – and you – by your own account the family already lived there when you moved in.
You have framed this as an issue of them crowding you out, but you made a choice to move in when they were already there.
I point this out to emphasize the fact that you don’t have a valid reason to put your foot down about this crowded house.
This arrangement obviously isn’t working out for you or the animals you are responsible for.
Your boyfriend might be overwhelmed. If he wants his sister and her many family members to find other housing, he needs to tell them.
He sounds like a very generous person, but if he, you, his family members, their children and the animals are all miserable, then things need to change.
Getting his family members to move out might be a difficult prospect, especially for someone like your guy, who hides in his bedroom.
You, however, are an individual with choices, and if your living situation isn’t healthy for you and your animals, then you should find housing elsewhere.
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Dear Amy: Your answer to “Hapless Husband” was terrible. His wife was in a running group and a guy in the group was texting her.
She has agency. She has the right to have friendships outside of her marriage. He should not be looking at her texts.
– Upset
Dear Upset: The wife was showing her husband these text messages, possibly because she was seeking his take on them. I could understand why he was concerned.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.