DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve never been a popular girl. In high school, I only had one date, and he ended it early.
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At the start of my first term at college, I met a boy in the student center, and we immediately hit it off. We go out to movies and dinner. I help him with history and English, he helps me with math and science. When my parents are out of the house, the sex is great.
Problem: We’ll be sitting at the dining table, going over homework, and he’ll perk up his ears like a dog hearing a whistle and say, “The SUV is back.” Then he’ll go out and help my mother carry in the groceries.
I’ve asked him not to do this, because it makes me look like a bad daughter. His only reply is, “Other people cannot make you look bad.”
How can I make him stop this?
GENTLE READER: By helping your mother bring in the groceries.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have nine beautiful grandchildren, and beginning this year, I will attend high school graduations for the next several consecutive years.
My issue is that I am so hard of hearing that I cannot understand the speakers at these ceremonies.
For me, it is as though the speeches are in a foreign language. I applaud when others applaud, but don’t laugh at the humor nor feel touched by a sentimental story. I simply cannot understand what is being said.
(Yes, I have excellent hearing aids, as well as a microphone I can use when out with a friend. However, these tools are not sufficient for a graduation ceremony.)
The children all go to fairly small schools, and the ceremonies are held in the gym or auditorium, where space is very limited. Under these circumstances, would it be better to forgo the graduation ceremony, letting someone who could appreciate it have the seat I am taking up?
GENTLE READER: You will not be at much of a disadvantage. The valedictorian will vow to fix the world, the principal will express faith that everyone in the class is now equipped to do so, and the prominent parent who is the guest speaker will make some insider jokes gleaned from the family’s graduating senior, which no one except the classmates will get. The other families are laughing out of solidarity with their own graduates.
Miss Manners is not intending to be mean. These rituals have meaning, and departing from them too radically robs them of their emotional value. She only wants to make the point that the speeches are not the important part — unless one of your grandchildren is the valedictorian.
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Rather, the point is the show of family pride in a child’s achievement, the ceremonial recognition of the child’s achievement, and the heralding of a new life stage. Your presence would be an important contribution to all that.
It shows the child that you care, and it shows the parents that family bonds survive the growing independence of new generations.
And nobody is going to test you on what was said in the speeches. If that were the case, a lot of people with no hearing problems would flunk.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.