DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m replying to “High Expectations,” the woman who wants a $1 million engagement ring.
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We all have expectations, dreams and standards in life. When I was in my 20s, I would fantasize about my big day. I remember dreaming of having 40 people in my wedding, being married at 28 and living happily ever after, knowing I would have my parents both walk me down the aisle.
Well, I’m in my 40s and have never been married. Those 40 people I would have asked to be in my wedding wouldn’t even be a thought today. And my parents walking me down the aisle is no longer an option — my mom has passed, and my dad can barely walk.
I encourage you to keep dreaming, which is OK, but focus more on the long term and loving each other with one heart. Personally, I would search for a person who is big into God, which will carry you further with peace than gold or silver.
— Reality Check
DEAR REALITY CHECK: Quite a few readers had strong reactions to this woman. Thank you for sharing yours.
I think that reality TV has helped to stir up unreasonable expectations about what love should look like. Of course it would be nice to have a fancy ring, if you are into that, but in the end, it has to be the foundation of the relationship that counts the most.
I love your idea that peace should be the goal. That is so true!
DEAR HARRIETTE: I landed an internship at my local city hall within the legislative sector, thanks to a recommendation from a friend who is employed there.
This friend’s mother shares a personal connection with one of the councilors, which is how my friend got the job.
I am interested in this job and its scope, so I naturally excel in the role. I noticed that the frequent compliments from co-workers and occasional jests about “taking over my friend’s position” are getting to her. We no longer talk as much, and she is treating me poorly lately, like intentionally bad-mouthing me and giving attitude.
The office offered me a permanent job, but I am debating it because of the environment with my friend working there.
— Should I Get the Job?
DEAR SHOULD I GET THE JOB: It’s time to have a serious conversation with your friend.
Thank her for making it possible for you to have the opportunity to intern with her. Express how deeply you appreciate this; it is showing you that this area of work interests you.
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Tell her that you would be thrilled to be able to work there in the long term, but you have noticed that some gossiping has begun about the two of you. Assure her that you are not trying to take her job — you are at the beginning of your career, and you are learning and growing.
Ask her why she has turned on you. Point out that you are aware of some of the negative things she has said about you, and you want to call a truce. If you can squash the negativity with her, you should be able to navigate working in that environment.
No matter where you work, there could be conflict. Learning how to survive and thrive in challenging situations is part of life.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.