DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently lost my dad, and my mom has expressed her desire to have another man in her life.
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I am struggling with the idea of her moving on because, for me, my dad is irreplaceable. I feel a deep sense of loss and loyalty to my father, and the thought of someone else taking his place is unsettling and challenging for me to accept.
I question whether my reluctance to embrace my mom’s new relationship is selfish, as I grapple with the complexities of grief, loyalty and acceptance. I want to honor my dad’s memory while supporting my mom’s happiness.
— Conflicted by Mom’s Love
DEAR CONFLICTED BY MOM’S LOVE: Your relationship with your father was completely different from your mother’s relationship with him. Now that he is gone, both of you need to define how you will move on.
Your father can never be replaced. Even if your mother starts seeing someone — or even if she marries someone sometime down the line — that person will not replace your father. He will be the next person in her world.
Accept that she may want and need that. It is not a bad reflection on her marriage to your father if that is her choice.
For you, continue to think about your father and all you loved and learned from him, and give your mother space to live her life.
DEAR HARRIETTE: As a parent, I want to provide my child with everything she desires because she is my only one. However, I am concerned about the potential consequences of spoiling her.
I understand the importance of instilling values of gratitude, hard work and appreciation for the things she receives, rather than fostering entitlement or a sense of privilege. Striking a balance between giving my child what she wants and teaching her the value of earning and appreciating what she has is crucial.
I want her to grow up with a strong work ethic, empathy for others and a sense of responsibility for her actions.
I am mindful of the impact that excessive material possessions can have on her character development and overall well-being.
— Struggles of Being a Mom
DEAR STRUGGLES OF BEING A MOM: It is possible to give your child gifts and make her feel special without making her greedy or selfish.
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As you give her things, teach her about how to care for them. Make sure she doesn’t have so much that she discards gifts while waiting for another. Revisit the items you give her, and help her to have a relationship with them.
Establish boundaries so that your child knows you will give her special things — but not all the time. If she is with you when you make purchases, let her know she has to choose from a selection of items and not have everything. Teach her to choose wisely based on interest and value.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is to learn discernment. Talk to her about choices in an ongoing manner so that she learns your values and practices applying them in her life.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.