DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently received advice from someone suggesting that I should not befriend boys because I already have a boyfriend.
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This is my first time having a boyfriend, but I have a group of male friends I have been close to for years. It feels weird to walk away from my true friends in order to have a relationship. This advice has left me contemplating whether I should follow this suggestion.
I value friendships with both males and females, but I am unsure if it is appropriate to limit my interactions based on my relationship status.
Should I consider refraining from forming friendships with boys to prevent potential complications in my relationship? I strongly believe in fostering healthy and meaningful connections irrespective of gender, yet I am also keen on upholding the boundaries of my romantic commitment.
— Unfriendly
DEAR UNFRIENDLY: What do you want? It sounds like you had a life before this boyfriend that was meaningful to you. Is this relationship worth throwing that away? What kind of relationship do you want to have?
I suggest that you think about your life and your friends and what and who you value.
Of course people make certain accommodations in romantic relationships, but you should be careful. Don’t give up friends because someone said you can’t have friends with a whole gender of people. That probably isn’t the life you want to live. So don’t live it.
Instead, talk to your boyfriend. Let him know who the key people are in your life and introduce him to them. Don’t keep friends a secret.
Make it as comfortable as possible for your boyfriend to meet them. See how the relationships unfold. This will help you know if your boyfriend fits into your life.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 20-year-old who has been living abroad for two months, and I have been thinking about moving to Europe permanently because of the more relaxed way of life.
I am hesitant to make that choice because my family and friends are in the United States.
The distance makes me question whether I am prepared to trade proximity for a lifestyle that aligns more with my values and preferences.
Another significant concern is the financial aspect. While the European lifestyle is appealing, the salaries in countries like Spain, where I currently reside, seem challenging to live off of compared to what I’m accustomed to in the United States.
What advice do you have for someone like me who is struggling with the decision to relocate permanently?
— Contemplating a Move
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DEAR CONTEMPLATING A MOVE: At 20 years old, you do not have to make a choice for life.
You are in the perfect position to explore the world. You can choose to relocate anywhere you want for a while. You don’t have to put a time limit on it.
Consider looking for a job that is a contract-based. A one- or two-year contract gives you a sense of security with a timeline. Save money so that you can visit home at least once per year. Use technology to help stay connected to your family. Go for it.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.