DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a friend on Instagram, and she recently came over to crash at my place. To make things more lively, I invited my other friends to join.
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However, I find this new friend a bit odd because the next morning, she left without any explanation.
I also noticed her spraying my expensive perfumes excessively — almost 10 sprays of various kinds, like layering scents.
It struck me as unusual behavior. What do you think? Isn’t she acting strangely?
— New Friend in the Crib
DEAR NEW FRIEND IN THE CRIB: You are lucky that this cautionary tale isn’t worse than a little perfume spraying.
In the future, do not invite strangers to your home, especially to spend the night.
Take your time building relationships with people outside of your private space. An Instagram friend is not an actual friend. While these relationships may seem intimate, they are not until you actually get to know the person — in person.
Cultivate bonds with people in safe spaces as you get to know them. Do not welcome them into your private spaces until they earn the right to be there.
If you talk to her again, you may confront her on her excessive behavior. But mainly, keep your distance.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a high school teacher facing a challenging situation with one of my students, and I’m at a loss for how to improve our relationship.
Despite my best efforts to make a positive and supportive classroom environment, it seems like this particular student and I just can’t seem to see eye to eye.
Our interactions are often tense, with disagreements arising over assignments, classroom behavior and communication. I’ve tried to provide constructive feedback and guidance, but it feels like my efforts are met with resistance or disregard.
I can sense that the student is feeling unmotivated in my class, and it pains me to see them struggle. However, I’m not sure how to bridge the gap and establish a more positive relationship with them.
I want to create a learning environment where all students feel valued and supported, but I’m unsure of where to start with this particular student.
How should I address our differences and ensure a positive environment in the classroom?
— Connecting With a Student
DEAR CONNECTING WITH A STUDENT: Do your best to learn more about this student’s life. Learn what the student’s family is like, where and how the student lives, what challenges exist outside the classroom, etc.
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Speak to other teachers who may have had this student in their class. Talk to the guidance counselor at school, and ask for strategies to help reach this student. You can also send the student to the guidance counselor to be a sounding board.
It seems that trust is an issue between you. Don’t give up. Emphasize to the student that what you want most is to help them learn and grow. Ask what they would value toward that goal. How do they like to learn? What can you do to support their education? Asking may unlock answers.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.