DEAR MISS MANNERS: My elderly parents and I seldom talk or visit, per my father’s wishes.
I am the older of their two children, and was always the dependable, devoted daughter. Seven years ago, my father made a derogatory comment toward my husband and me over politics at a family gathering. When I privately expressed my objections to him and my mother, he decided that I wouldn’t be included in future family events.
In the years since, both my father and my brother have told many mutual friends and relatives about our rift, but have told different versions to different people, none of which are true.
I am regularly approached by well-intentioned acquaintances, urging me to mend fences with my grieving parents. I never know what story they’ve heard, and have responded by telling them politely that the issue is a private family matter, and that I prefer not to discuss it with them.
Three times recently, I’ve been told that my reply was rude, and one lady even remarked that my parents might be better off the way things are.
How should one respond to such suggestions, especially if the person is an old family friend?
GENTLE READER: “Thank you. I will think about it.”
Never mind that you, Miss Manners and probably your old family friends know you will not. The fact that you appear to be considering their advice should be enough to satisfy them in the moment. And since thinking is an ongoing activity, presumably you can repeat the sentiment if they follow up.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a severe injury to a finger. It has since healed, but when I cook, I usually keep a bandage over the injury to protect the area.
One night I made dinner for my husband and a very close friend (who has a great sense of humor). I had the entrees placed on the table and was serving the salads when I noticed the bandage was missing.
When I sat down, I debated what I should do, but then came clean: I informed them that the bandage was missing and that I was afraid it might have ended up in a salad.
They both thought it was hilarious, and jokes about the possibility of it turning up in the pizza were the order of the night.
I realize the topic is gross, and most people would likely not see the humor. However, it brought up the hypothetical discussion among us of what I would have done had this been a larger group that extended beyond the three of us.
If I had a larger group of people — say, a dinner party of six — and the entrees were already on the table when I discovered the bandage missing, would it be appropriate to keep quiet and hope the bandage did not show up in someone’s food? Or warn them ahead of time and completely destroy their appetites for dinner? (Since this is hypothetical, let’s say that dumping the whole dinner and ordering out is not an option.)
What say you?
GENTLE READER: Miss Manners, thankful that this scenario is hypothetical, will take the opportunity to urge those who cook with injuries to wear non-hypothetical gloves.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.