DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a text message argument with my best friend’s husband. None of our statements was offensive.
I thanked him kindly for trying to help find a job for my partner, but said that I preferred to handle the situation myself. I mentioned that working as a caregiver to psychiatric patients was not in alignment with my partner’s professional experience, and that I had concerns he could be potentially injured at the job.
My friend’s husband then implied that my partner was unmotivated.
My friend said that her husband is very mad at me. She often invites me to see her new home; however, I do not want to inconvenience either of them.
What should I say to my friend, as I genuinely do not want to annoy her husband?
GENTLE READER: Too late. You already annoyed him with your suggestion that psychiatric patients were going to injure your partner, and he already annoyed you by calling your partner unmotivated.
Assuming that you want to maintain the friendship, what you need to avoid is not your friend’s husband, but communicating with him only via text. Texting is already prone to misunderstandings because it strips out necessary context. This is exacerbated when the people on either end do not know one another well.
If you do not want to go to your friend’s home, invite her to yours for some actual social interaction.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: The opportunity to work remotely has offered many individuals the freedom to engage in work-related activities not only at home, but also in public places such as libraries and cafes — basically anywhere that offers Wi-Fi and provides tables and chairs for patrons.
This is the case at a coffee shop where I often go to enjoy a coffee and a pastry. They serve coffee in paper cups and bag all food items to go, but if there is an open seat, one can stay and consume the items in the shop.
Unfortunately, this is rarely possible because all of the tables for two are occupied by single customers and their laptops. Usually, they have no food or beverage beside them (presumably having consumed it earlier), but they still retain their spot for one to three hours. I therefore have no choice but to consider my items takeout.
What is the etiquette for working with a laptop in a coffee shop? And what is a reasonable time frame for doing so?
GENTLE READER: This is a commercial transaction, but even commercial transactions can be gracious — if everyone knows the rules and abides by them.
Unfortunately, no one does — not only because camping out in the coffee shop is a relatively new phenomenon, so the rules are still evolving, but also because everyone has a strong opinion and is only too happy to share it. Those opinions are usually punctuated by scolding those who do not immediately comply.
A reasonable guideline is that as the establishment is selling refreshments, not office space, those who wish to remain should replenish their purchases at more or less regular intervals.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.