DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I were attending a college production of “HMS Pinafore.” A student was sitting directly in front of me wearing a white baseball cap.
I could tell the hat was going to detract from my pleasure in the show, so I asked the young man, “Would you mind removing your hat? It is a bit of a distraction.” He complied, and I thoroughly enjoyed the play.
The next day, my wife informed me that she had been embarrassed by my behavior, that I was in the wrong, and that wearing a hat in the situation was routinely accepted in today’s society.
Am I an incorrigible antique, or was she right?
GENTLE READER: An incorrigible antique herself, Miss Manners agrees with you, and maintains that baseball hats should not be worn inside anything other than a stadium. The argument that it is now routinely accepted does not move her.
But the fact that the student politely complied should be more important than your wife’s objection. If he was not upset or embarrassed, why should she be?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I invited my best friend to a concert more than a month ahead of the performance. She said she would have to get back to me, as it falls on her sister’s birthday weekend.
Two weeks later, I still haven’t heard from her.
Meanwhile, my 11-year-old son asked if he could attend with me. His father will also be there. I would now rather bring my son than my friend.
What is the best way to handle this?
GENTLE READER: “I assumed that since I didn’t hear from you, you were unable to attend the concert. Marcus expressed an interest, so he will be coming with me. I hope to see you at another event soon.”
Miss Manners notes that this has the added advantage of alerting your friend that if she expects to attend the next event, she had better act more quickly.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I take my sons to the pediatrician or call to make an appointment, the receptionist or nurse always calls me Mom.
I give them my name, but they never use it, and continue to call me Mom.
I love being a mom, don’t get me wrong. And I love my sons. But this drives me bananas. I’m not these people’s mom!
Am I overreacting? If so, I’ll let it go.
I do realize that it probably makes life easier for the staff, and I hope I’m not being rude by correcting them. Maybe some people like being called Mom. But there’s something about it that feels a little condescending, like I’m not a separate person from my children.
GENTLE READER: “Which mother? I’m Mrs. Starwood.” (Or “Dr. Starwood,” if it applies and you wish to pull rank.)
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If that does not work — or is forgotten the very next visit — Miss Manners permits you to be annoyed. But then she recommends you let it go.
For the purposes of this visit, you are an extension of the child. And while these professionals could make a bit more effort, you do not want to squabble with your child’s caregivers.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.