DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I obliged to dislike people my longtime partner dislikes?
Related Articles
Miss Manners: I’m ashamed to be seen with them in the movie theater
Miss Manners: I was scolded for bringing my wife to the party
Miss Manners: If you’re not Ted Lasso, just say thank you
Miss Manners: We disagreed about how to deal with the line cutters
Miss Manners: I was hit with a double-whammy of rude at my wedding
On our daily dog walk in a nearby park, we often encounter a woman with a Doberman pinscher that has been aggressive toward our dog in the past (barking, snapping, pulling on its leash), although it has been behaving better recently. My partner dislikes this woman on the grounds that she does not properly control her dog, and doesn’t like it when I greet her with a simple “Good morning.”
Likewise, a woman in our neighborhood had a dog years ago that behaved aggressively toward my partner’s dog. When we encounter her on the street, my partner ignores her and says I am being disloyal by not doing the same. (My usual greeting is a neutral “hello.”)
How far should my loyalty to my partner go?
GENTLE READER: The support of a partner is powerful, but, as yours demonstrates, people do not always fully understand how it is supposed to work.
It is reasonable of your partner to expect you to take sides against misbehaving dog owners. A cool demeanor towards those who do not control their animals is reasonable — though that can still include a neutral greeting.
But it is also your job to tell your partner when public behavior is wrong. Continuing to snub someone for something that, in the first case, is no longer happening, or, in the second case, happened years ago, is rude.
Your partner should be dissuaded from such behavior, rather than emulated.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to a fabric store/upholsterer to order curtains. While I was looking at fabrics, a woman stopped me, told me her name was Elaine, and asked if I needed help. I said no.
After I picked a fabric, Elaine told me that she would be helping me order my curtains because she had “helped” me choose the fabric. However, my order seemed much too complicated for her to understand.
I had been helped before by another employee who is more knowledgeable, but he said that he was not supposed to help me because I was “assigned” to Elaine. But I never picked Elaine, and it’s not working with her.
Do I have any alternative other than just not buying curtains? This store is the last place in my area that makes curtains.
Related Articles
Asking Eric: My aunt now claims she can’t remember the family secret
Harriette Cole: She’s afraid of what people will say about her divorce
Miss Manners: I’m ashamed to be seen with them in the movie theater
Dear Abby: The women in our new town are obsessed with my husband
Asking Eric: Why would a cashier say this about my pregnancy test?
GENTLE READER: Elaine wants the commission associated with your purchase — but if you find yourself in a situation where the store has to explain this to you, she will have failed to secure it. You are not going to buy from someone who cannot fill your order.
You need to find someone with greater authority to whom you can explain that you worked with Hank previously, that Hank understood your needs, and that if you are going to purchase curtains, you will need Hank’s assistance.
Miss Manners is confident that said person will understand your meaning — which is that without Hank’s assistance, there will be no commission, since the store will not be seeing your money.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.