DEAR MISS MANNERS: How long should someone wait for a call to be returned?
My friend and I talk frequently on the phone. Lately when I try to call, I get a text that says, “I’ll call you back.” I thought the returned call would come in a short time, but it is taking longer and longer.
It was taking as long as a week, but now it doesn’t come at all, and I must call again.
GENTLE READER: Years ago, when Miss Manners pointed out that the telephone was an inherently rude instrument — demanding that others drop whatever they were doing and attend to it immediately — nobody listened to her.
And when they all got cellphones, the problem of giving calls preference over those actually present got worse.
But telephone usage is evolving, creating the hope — or illusion — that we will arrive at some reasonable understanding.
One encouraging sign is that many people consider it wrong to telephone without first texting to set a convenient time to talk.
There are also those who prefer to avoid using the telephone for speaking, now that there is a less intrusive way of sending instant messages.
So let’s not jump to condemning your friends by setting rules and deadlines for returning calls. Yours are evidently not quick requests for information, much less emergencies, but rather, friendly chats. It may be that they are too frequent or too long for your friend, or just inconveniently timed.
A more practical rule, then, is to ask people what methods of communication they prefer, and to work out a compromise that respects your own preferences.
Perhaps you and your friend could set a regular time to talk, or shift to meeting in person, if that is feasible. Or you could start an old-fashioned written correspondence instead — although presumably electronically.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Fifty years ago, when my father was stationed in Vietnam, he sent the military exchange catalog to my mother back home.
From it, she ordered a complete bone china set for 12 people, with every possible dinnerware piece. There are dinner plates, salad plates, bread-and-butter plates, soup bowls, fruit saucers, cups and saucers, and serving pieces. It is a beautiful set in a simple ivory pattern rimmed in gold.
My mother passed away almost 30 years ago, and since then, I have used the china for many years when hosting holiday dinners.
Now I have downsized and am living in an apartment, and the china is in several boxes in a storage unit.
What should I do with it?
GENTLE READER: Use it. Do so even if you can only keep on hand the plates that are relevant to your menus, and even if only to feed yourself and your prospective heirs.
Miss Manners cannot promise that they will develop the same aesthetic and sentimental attachment to the set that you seem to have. The use of fine china is rare now, especially when it should not be subjected to a dishwasher — as yours, with its gold trim, should not.
Yet your loved ones may acquire a fondness for the set through its association with you, somewhat like yours with your mother. And in any case, you will have had the pleasure of using it.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.