DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in touch with someone online for the past two years.
We both have the same physical condition, but he’s more outgoing and has a full social life, whereas I am the opposite.
I have started attending events at the organization where he works to get support for my needs, but we have never introduced ourselves in person. I have anxiety and codependency issues, which I told him in a direct message when he said to let him know when I wanted to meet with him.
I got too nervous to introduce myself the other day at the office, and I don’t go again until next week, though there may be events coming up in the next few days that he may attend. I don’t want to pester him or drive him away, but I don’t know how to initiate anything.
I have never formed a relationship on my own in my life; I’ve made friends in school and through family, never organically.
This person is there for everyone else, but will he be there for me?
I’m afraid of dying alone and having to plan for a public funeral because I’m better with cats than people. I have been late at things all my life. How do I approach him without being needy or resorting to drink?
— Lone Wolf
DEAR LONE WOLF: Take a deep breath and calm down.
Don’t place all of your emotions at this man’s feet — that would be off-putting. Instead, start by telling yourself that you would like to meet him in person as your first step.
Invite him to meet you. Agree on something simple, like grabbing tea or ice cream: something noncommittal that allows you to sit and talk for a few minutes. Don’t go in with an agenda or worried thoughts about your end of life. Just be present. Talk about things you have discussed over the time you have been communicating online.
Don’t allow yourself to draw conclusions. Decide that you will enjoy the moment. Then see what happens.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Concerning your advice to “Cooking Anxiety” — when I left my childhood home, I knew only how to make my mother’s meatloaf, open a can of baked beans and bake a potato. This was even the dinner I served to dates.
I branched out on my limited budget by trying different meatloaf recipes, then chicken. My love of foreign food has made me try new recipes as I grew more confident, and today I am known among my circle of friends as a great cook — though I still read recipes to get new ideas.
It is surprising how many good recipes are simple. I try to keep it manageable. If I have a more complicated recipe, I will pair it with something simple that can be made ahead.
Most people are delighted to be invited to dinner and aren’t aware when something isn’t perfect. So your advice to “Cooking Anxiety” to start small was on point.
— Good Cook Today
DEAR GOOD COOK TODAY: One small step at a time and a willingness to learn: the magic ingredients!
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.