DEAR HARRIETTE: I married my husband three months ago, and already I can’t stand my new father-in-law.
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He means well, but he’s opinionated and doesn’t seem to respect boundaries. From the moment we returned from our honeymoon, he’s been around constantly, offering unsolicited advice on everything from how we should manage our finances to what our home should look like, and even how I should be “taking care” of my husband.
Sometimes, he just shows up unannounced, as if he’s a part of our daily life.
I want to keep the peace, especially since my husband and his dad have always been close, but I feel like my patience is wearing thin.
My husband doesn’t see it the same way I do and brushes it off, saying his dad is just trying to help. But this is starting to put a strain on me and, honestly, on our new marriage. I worry that if I bring it up, it might create tension, not only between my husband and his father, but between my husband and me as well.
How do I approach this situation without creating a rift in the family or feeling like I’m coming between them?
— Pushy Father-In-Law
DEAR PUSHY FATHER-IN-LAW: You have to speak to your husband right away and decide on boundaries together. He needs to know how you feel so that he can help strike a balance between enjoying time with his father and fortifying his marriage.
You also can ignore some of dad’s entreaties. Let him talk and don’t always respond. As long as you and your husband are on the same page, you can learn to deal with his dad.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 30-year-old Ph.D. student studying psychology, and I feel like my many years of education have gotten in the way of my romantic relationships.
I’ve spent so much time focused on my studies and career that dating has often taken a back seat. The rare times I do meet someone, I struggle to balance the demands of my program with the emotional energy and time it takes to nurture a new relationship. By the time I’ve wrapped up my work, I often feel too drained to invest in dating, and I worry that my dedication to my career might be unintentionally pushing people away.
It doesn’t help that most of my friends are already in stable relationships or even starting families, which only adds to the pressure I’m putting on myself.
I want to find a partner and start building a life together, but I don’t want to compromise my ambitions or leave my studies unfinished.
Am I missing something that would help me balance both? How can I approach dating in a way that respects both my goals and my desire for a meaningful connection?
— Finding a Balance
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DEAR FINDING A BALANCE: In the way that you schedule time for your career building, begin to allot time for your personal life. Write it into your calendar.
When do you exercise, and where do you do it? Put yourself into a class at a gym or another social setting. What do you enjoy socially? Schedule it so you create an opportunity to meet someone regularly.
Carve out time each day for yourself –anything from taking a walk to cooking a meal. Envision doing those things with a partner. You can do it, even though it will be a juggle.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.