DEAR HARRIETTE: A couple of months ago, a close friend and I decided to move in together.
We began our hunt for housing and found the perfect place with separate bedrooms and bathrooms for each of us. This sounded great to me because the trouble with roommates usually happens in the shared spaces.
We signed a yearlong lease, and we enjoyed our first month there decorating, cooking together and more.
The second month rolled around, and my roommate didn’t have her share of the rent and claimed to have been laid off. She only admitted this to me once I asked why she was late on payment.
She’s now asked if I can spot her so that we do not lose the apartment. She says she can begin a payment plan with me and close it out as soon as she gets another job.
I would love to stay here, but paying for both of us is not what I signed up for. Should I help a friend who may seriously be in need, or should I be suspicious?
— Next Steps
DEAR NEXT STEPS: Check your lease to determine your liability. Suggest that your roommate ask her parents or other friends to spot the rent. Do your best to get her to find the money elsewhere.
Find out how long you have before eviction. Sit with her and make a concrete plan for staying in the apartment. Don’t just take on her debt.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years. For a while, it felt like we were building a life together — a real future. We dreamed together.
Aside from the love we shared as romantic partners, we were both ambitious and helped push each other along in our careers as well. Over time and after much trust was built, we began exploring business ventures together. Like any business, we’ve experienced ups and downs, but overall, I’ve loved the process of entrepreneurship.
Unfortunately, though, I think my feelings for my partner have changed. Our relationship has become mundane. We are not as romantic or as happy as we used to be.
I don’t feel like a priority to him anymore, and he seems a lot less ambitious than he used to be. It feels like we’re different people now and at different stages in our lives, and I’m not sure I see a future for us anymore.
The thought of having shared businesses, though, is keeping me from making the hard decision. I keep ignoring my unhappiness because we are so heavily financially involved.
Should I try to make things work, or is it possible to have a platonic business relationship with an ex?
— Turning Point
DEAR TURNING POINT: Check your legal documents to ensure that you know your standing in all of your business ventures. Then talk to your boyfriend.
Tell him you do not feel like your romantic relationship is currently working. Find out what he thinks. You may just need a reboot on your relationship. Don’t be too quick to walk away.
No matter what, it will take time to talk through your feelings and come to an agreement on the way forward. Let him know where you stand.
If you want to stay in business with him but not as his romantic partner, be clear about that. Time will let you know if you can work together under these new conditions.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.