DIMES: The NBA, in Christmas movie tiers

One third through the season, it’s pretty easy to see which teams have been naughty and nice.

Lots of squads have lengthy Christmas lists for Santa, while the best might just ask for good health.

There are five standalone games schedule for Christmas Day, including a primetime matchup between the Warriors and Lakers.

Let’s get into the holiday spirit on the last Sunday before Christmas by tiering the NBA based on Christmas movies.

Elf (2003)

The best of the best, a timeless comedy: Boston Celtics, Oklahoma City Thunder, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks

Die Hard (1988)

It’s a Christmas movie, and it rocks: Memphis Grizzlies, Houston Rockets, New York Knicks

The Holdovers (2023)

A modern masterpiece: Milwaukee Bucks, Phoenix Suns

Home Alone (1990)

An absolute classic watered down by four (4!) sequels: Los Angeles Clippers, Minnesota Timberwolves, Denver Nuggets

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

Old, slow and melancholy…but you’re still watching: Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Lakers

Fred Claus (2007)

An underrated flick not to be slept on: Atlanta Hawks

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)

Not sure it has aged well, but those who like it, love it: San Antonio Spurs, Indiana Pacers

Eight Crazy Nights (2002)

Not quite a Christmas movie…and not quite playoff teams: Sacramento Kings, Chicago Bulls, Miami Heat

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

The Grinch came for them…but could there be a happy ending?: Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, New Orleans Pelicans

Polar Express (2004)

Has its moments, but not a mainstay: Brooklyn Nets, Detroit Pistons, Charlotte Hornets, Toronto Raptors

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Red One (2024)

The Rock described his “Red One” (30% on Rotten Tomatoes) as having “a long shelf life with multiple verticals,” becoming the new leader in the clubhouse for most dystopian quote of the year: Washington Wizards, Portland Blazers, Utah Jazz

We’ve fallen into the ratings trap

LeBron James is complaining about how many 3s teams are taking, JJ Redick has theories about why fans are tuning out the league, popular podcasts and think-pieces have devoted the past week to getting to the bottom of declining television ratings.

We’ve lost the plot. The ratings discourse is self-fulfilling: the more talk about why the game isn’t resonating with fans, the less interest there will be.

You know what’s more fun than cosplaying as television executives? Figuring out if the Thunder have what it takes to win the title after years of fabulous roster management; watching how intensely the Houston Rockets play; Payton Pritchard bombing 3-pointers; Ja Morant igniting “Whoop That Trick”; Nikola Jokic and Victor Wembanyama doing practically anything; Milwaukee’s turnaround.

The NBA certainly has valid concerns. The regular season is too long. The All-Star Game has become a joke. Young fans don’t feel the need to watch full games, or stream them illegally when they do. The new NBA Cup can be tricky to follow. Injuries and load management take the shine off nationally televised games.

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Harping on them ad nauseam, especially as awesome basketball plays out this season, doesn’t seem productive for anyone.

Those Bucks!

For as much criticism as Doc Rivers takes, he deserves as much credit for helping Milwaukee turn its season around.

After starting 2-8, the Bucks have won 12 of their last 16, including the NBA Cup championship. They’ve been the inverse Warriors.

Rivers inserted Andre Jackson Jr. into the starting lineup and empowered AJ Green off the bench. Playing young guys hasn’t always been the head coach’s forte, but he has made the necessary rotation decisions.

Cleveland’s still rolling

The best offense in the league this month? The Cleveland Cavaliers. And they’re playing a gorgeous brand of basketball, too.

Donovan Mitchell is splitting double teams, Darius Garland is relentlessly driving and kicking, Evan Mobley’s a force in transition and an offensive hub, the bench has scoring punches.

At times, Cleveland looks like the early 2010s Spurs. Whenever someone complains about modern NBA style, show them the Cavaliers.

Blind taste test

Player A: 25.5 PPG, 6.3 APG, 5.2 RPG, 43.7 FG%, 38 3PT%, .601 TS%, 21.4 PER

Player B: 22.0 PPG, 6.4 APG, 5.0 RPG, 44.3 FG%, 40.9 3PT%, .613 TS%, 21.4 PER

Any guesses?

Well, it was a trick question. Player A is Steph Curry in 2021-22, and Player B is him this year. The only real difference between the two is that Curry is playing four fewer minutes per game this year and attempting three fewer shots on average. He even has the same 3-point diet (61% of his field goal attempts).

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Statistically, Curry is playing at a championship level — even if it hasn’t always looked like it. Curry was a Second-Team All-NBA selection and a downballot MVP candidate three years ago, and he’s putting up the same numbers now.

Curry could play better. But really, he needs more help.

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