DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, we were invited to my cousin’s eldest daughter’s wedding. Although my cousin and I are close, I barely know the daughter. We were invited only because my cousin wanted me there.
The wedding was out of town, which necessitated a motel stay, meals and gas, in addition to a generous cash gift. The cash gift was what the couple had requested, since they had been living together and didn’t need household items.
Our check was cashed two days after the wedding, but we never got a thank-you.
Three months later, I ran into the bride’s mother and asked how the happy couple was doing. I also mentioned that we never received an acknowledgment of our gift. She responded that her daughter had been busy and “apparently she didn’t have the time” to send thank-yous.
Two years later, the same scenario unfolded when daughter No. 2 got married, and the mother offered the same exact excuse for her daughter’s poor manners.
We have now received a “save the date” card for daughter No. 3.
I’m curious — what would you do?
— UNTHANKED IN INDIANA
DEAR UNTHANKED: If I felt close to the daughter, I would attend the wedding. I would give her a gift, recognizing that it probably would not be acknowledged because the girls were never taught the social graces. But I wouldn’t preemptively penalize daughter No. 3 for the sin of omission committed by her sisters.
DEAR ABBY: My first marriage lasted 31 years. He was a nice man but a lousy husband. He died after a long illness.
A year later, I started dating, met another man and fell in love. We dated for a year before he proposed marriage.
Two months before the wedding, I called it off because he lacked communication skills and was pretty selfish. His comment was, “We talk at the dinner table. What more do you want?” The next day, I told him it was over.
Other than that one issue, we got along well. He spoiled me. We traveled together, and he bought me beautiful jewelry. But he would send endless texts and never reply to mine. He didn’t return voicemails I left for him, either.
When I tried to return the engagement ring and some jewelry to him, he told me to keep it.
He still texts me about how much he misses me, but he does nothing to fix this. I have asked him to leave me alone and stop contacting me.
I’m trying to move on, but every time I hear from him, it’s painful. I miss him. How can I let go of the hope that he will one day change?
— UNENGAGED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR UNENGAGED: You and this man may have enjoyed each other, but you don’t seem to speak the same language. It’s time you accepted that he isn’t going to change.
If you can’t accept him and his flaws, assuage the pain of hearing from him by blocking his texts while you look for a better communicator.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.