Dear Eric: A few months ago, a close friend and I got into a disagreement over text. This is a person who tends to be rude and quite vile to anyone she disagrees with, but we had never had this issue.
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Though I tried to maintain the conversation, she said that she didn’t care if I got mad nor did she care if I never spoke to her again.
For a few months I didn’t talk to her. She called me once and said, “I just want to tell you that I love you!” and hung up. A few more weeks went by, and she called to ask me a question. I answered her question, and she went into talking as if nothing had ever happened. I cut the conversation short then.
I told her that people don’t talk to me in that fashion; that’s not the behavior of a friend. We agreed we’d move on from there. I still don’t like her, though.
Our conversation is strained. I like to get off the phone as soon as possible. I don’t like the stress of it, and I don’t think it’s fair to her, either.
How do you cut off a strained relationship without causing more harm?
– Former Friend
Dear Friend: While it can be uncomfortable, it’s ultimately healthy to tell friends the truth about their behavior and the way it affects you.
You have already made great strides in that direction by setting a boundary in your relationship. Saying “I don’t want to be spoken to like that” is not causing harm. It sounds like your friend has harmful tendencies of her own when it comes to how she treats friends. It’s manipulative and shuts down communication.
Parts of your disagreement are still unresolved. You’re allowed to say that. Tell her it still doesn’t sit right with you and the friendship feels strained now. You can suggest taking a break or you can ask her “how can we make this right?” But you don’t need to be dragged into another contentious conversation.
From her behavior after the initial fight – the “I love you” call, pretending nothing happened – it seems she doesn’t fully understand the consequences of her actions. Hopefully, this conversation will be a wakeup call for your friend and prompt her to do some self-examination.
Dear Eric: My son has recently started using some slang terms that have me scratching my head – namely “gyat,” “skibidi,” and “sigma.”
As a parent, I want to stay connected and understand the language of his world, but I feel a bit lost in translation. It seems like these words pop up in every conversation, and I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on an inside joke.
I want to be the cool parent (or at least not the completely clueless one), so I’d love your insight into what these terms mean and how they’re used. Any guidance you can offer would be greatly appreciated. Understanding these phrases could not only help me connect with my son but also save me from some potentially awkward conversations in the future.
– Curious Parent
Dear Parent: I have thought myself pretty well-versed on contemporary slang, but my eyes started crossing when I read the words in your letter. Guess that ship has sailed for me. Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone? (How’s that for a “contemporary” reference?)
According to my googling, gyat is an exclamation of surprise, usually regarding someone’s body – not offensive per se, but objectifying. Sigma in slang stands for a lone wolf. And skibidi, which originated in a series of TikTok videos, now joins a long line of neologisms that can mean good, bad or dumb depending on the context.
That said, when it comes to vernacular, googling is never going to be your best option, because this is in-community communication. It’s important for teens to have their own way of communicating as they explore the world and develop taste. Perhaps you used slang that puzzled your parents, too.
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You can always ask your kid to explain, but the most important thing is clear communication between parent and child, not the parent being in on the joke.
When I do middle and high school visits for my young adult novel “Kings of B’more,” I tell myself, “You get one slang word usage to prove you’re ‘with it’ and then you have to go back to talking the way you talk.”
Being thought of as cool is a little bit of a fool’s errand for parents and other adults when coolness, like language itself, is a moving target. That’s OK. You don’t have to be skibidi to be trustworthy or interesting or curious about your kid’s life in a way that respects his sometimes-perplexing autonomy.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.