With the start of the new year, it’s a good time as any to gaze into our somewhat cloudy crystal ball and predict what’s in store for San Jose and the surrounding region in 2025:
January: San Jose Mayor Matt Mahan will stop by to greet the Furries attending FurtherConfusion at the downtown convention center in his own full fur suit. He’ll decide that he likes the fit.
February: In an astonishing move, Palo Alto’s Stanford Theatre will ditch classic Hollywood movies for a month and show nothing but Instagram reels, drawing record attendance from Gen Z crowds.
March: In the trial over renaming Oakland’s airport, Port of Oakland attorneys will argue they’re not infringing on SFO’s trademark but are instead trying to honor a lesser-known pioneer named “Sanfran Ciscobay.” When the judge says no go, the airport announces it is moving to Las Vegas.
April: After months working in the office of former Congressman George Santos, freshman Rep. Sam Liccardo will pull strings to get new digs. Unfortunately, he’ll land in Matt Gaetz’s old office.
May: San Jose’s Cinco de Mayo celebration will go full Silicon Valley with all-electric lowriders, but Santa Clara Street will be jammed for hours after most of the batteries die due to excessive bouncing.
June: Visit San Jose will hold a contest to crown the city’s most famous landmark, with voters choosing between the dilapidated First Church of Christ Scientist near St. James Park, the oft-disparaged Plumed Serpent sculpture at Plaza de Cesar Chavez, the underused Unzipped Pavilion on South First Street and the still-unrealized Breeze of Innovation. The Electric Light Tower wins in a landslide of write-in votes despite collapsing in 1915.
July: Mayor Mahan will be briefly hospitalized after riding in the July 4 Rose, White and Blue Parade in a full fur suit in 100-degree heat. On July 5, he will announce he’s going back to regular clothes.
August: Proving San Jose State really is at the “epicenter of the future,” President Cynthia Teniente-Matson will reveal the university has started enrolling generative AI programs as students. Five of them even make the football team.
September: The 49ers will try to grow their fan base by saying they’ll now be known as the San Francisco Oakland 49ers. The city of Oakland immediately files for an injunction.
October: Attempting to lean into Sunnyvale’s notoriety as a haven for crows, Mayor Larry Klein will dress up as a giant crow for Halloween and will be immediately attacked by hundreds of the birds. “I told him it was a bad idea,” San Jose Mayor Matt Mahan says.
November: VTA will announce the latest iteration of downtown San Jose’s underground BART tunnel won’t have a single-bore or double-bore design but an unprecedented “triple-bore” design. “It’s going to cost three times as much anyway,” a spokesperson says. The Silicon Valley Bicycle Coalition immediately calls for the third bore to be reserved for bikes.
December: The San Jose Holiday Parade will return after a 14-year absence, with floats and giant balloons sponsored by Adobe, Amazon, Apple, Google, Nvidia, Zoom and other tech companies who will collectively decide to embrace the Bay Area’s largest city as their home. Weather forecasters, however, predict record rainfall in San Jose for the morning of the parade.
Well, there’s always 2026 to look forward to.