DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the event manager at a very sexy and trendy nightclub. We host fun parties every week.
We have a regular guest who is absolutely smitten with me, but he is not my type.
I feel obligated to cordially socialize with him whenever I see him, due to the customer service standards at my job.
When it comes to relationships, I firmly believe we are all entitled to our own preferences; no one should force any kind of relationship — physical or otherwise — for any reason.
Thankfully, my employers agree with that. We have a very strong culture of consent with regards to any liaisons that happen as a result of being at our club.
The guest in question is absolutely respectful of this safe atmosphere, and has been very gracious when I decline his advances. Yet he continues to flirt with me.
While I have been able to dodge his advances so far, I can’t keep this up forever. It is simply exhausting.
How do I turn him down and maintain the social relationship? To be fair, he is a pleasant gentleman — very sweet, actually. Just not my type.
GENTLE READER: It may surprise you to hear that Miss Manners does not share your good opinion of your employers.
From your description, it sounds like the interactions between customer and employee at the club are, in fact, a key part of the success of their business.
Yet your employers assert, and you accept, that these interactions are entirely social. This burdens you with all of the work of keeping customers in line, while absolving your employers of any responsibility. This is, at best, naive, but probably very dangerous.
It is time to tell your employers that you need assistance with this particular customer.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I often share a bottle of wine at a restaurant. After the first glass, he doesn’t wait for the server, just pours himself more.
He will go out of his way to finish the bottle, even if it means overfilling his glass. He responds to my shocked look with, “If you want any more, you can drink from my glass.”
I think this is incredibly rude. What should I do?
GENTLE READER: In contrast to rolling stones, repeated sources of friction in relationships tend to gather all sorts of stray detritus. So let us dust this one off.
Miss Manners believes you agree that it is not a crime to finish the bottle of wine you ordered. She further assures you that refilling the glasses yourselves, without the help of the waiter, is acceptable.
You were dismayed at the sight of your husband overfilling his glass, and while his retort was rude enough, it followed your shocked look, rather than having preceded it.
Was he rude, then, not to refill your glass along with his own? Yes. What you should do is to say, “Dearest, next time, would you please refill my glass when you refill your own?”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.