The household gender divide is as old as time. Studies show that even in progressive (heterosexual) households, women tend to do more of the housework than men. Is there any hope of change?
Men “seem to think” they are doing their fair share of the chores, said The Washington Post. A YouGov survey revealed that 81% of men living with partners “responded with confidence” that they were pulling their weight around the house. But statistics from the Bureau of Labor Statistics tell a somewhat different story: Women “cooked, cleaned and did yard work” for nearly two hours a day, according to the study. Their male partners did only half that amount. But that is more housework than men used to do — and the increased chore time is coming largely in the form of meal preparation. “Men are gaining,” said the Post.
Overall, though, the gender divide “continues to linger,” Bev Betkowski said at the University of Alberta’s Folio. New research from the university suggests that women who carried the bulk of the housework load at age 25 still bear the same heavy burdens decades later as they move into middle age — and that “women’s domestic workload only increased during the child-rearing years.” It is important to lay out the ground rules early. When patterns are “set early in the relationship, they tend to persist,” said Matthew Johnson, a relationship researcher at the University of Alberta.
Who is responsible for a clean household?
Having a male partner “means more work for women, not less,” Annie Lowrey said at The Atlantic, citing a recent study from the Gender Equity Policy Institute. While married women do more housework than single women, married men do about the same amount as single men. Some of this can be explained by employment status: “The person earning more does less around the house.” But women who are the primary breadwinners in their households “still devote more time to domestic care.” Men continue to internalize the message that an “untidy home is not their responsibility,” Lowrey said.
All this takes a toll on women’s mental health, the University of Southern California’s Darby Saxbe and Lizzie Aviv said at The Conversation. Their research found that women who take on a “disproportionate” share of the household burden report higher levels of “depression, stress, relationship dissatisfaction and burnout.” Women do not just do more housework. They perform more of the “cognitive labor” of “anticipating, planning, delegating and thinking” about the housework that needs to be done. That “pulls mental energy away from other priorities,” Saxbe and Aviv said, which can lead to higher rates of depression and is also bad for relationships. The unfair division of household chores is “often cited by women as a reason for divorce.”
How can men pitch in more?
Even if the gap is narrowing, “there’s still a long way to go,” Stefania Sainato said at Motherly. Couples should establish household standards together with a “shared vision of what a ‘clean’ home looks like.” They should also address the “mental load” of tasks like “planning meals or tracking playdates” that are not necessarily on the to-do list. And when possible, they should get their kids involved. “Small changes add up,” Sainato said.