Dating is not always easy — and when debt enters the equation, it can throw in a curveball. Whether you are trying to determine how best to tell someone new that you have debt, or the reveal is coming from someone you just started seeing, the news can hit hard.
While “most Americans (90%) would theoretically date someone with credit card debt,” said NerdWallet, citing a survey of more than 2,000 U.S. adults that it commissioned, for many, once that debt hits a certain balance, it does become a “dating dealbreaker.” “On average,” said the outlet, “$20,711 is the amount of credit card debt that would be a dealbreaker in a relationship.”
The good news? There are steps you can take to make at least this aspect of dating a bit more navigable.
Avoid further ballooning your debt by dating over your budget
“When it comes to having a great time when you’re dating and repaying debt, the first thing you should remember is to set a budget for how much you want to spend on your date and be respectful of your partner’s financial boundaries,” said Discover.
While debt may limit some of the more obvious romantic go-tos, like enjoying a fancy dinner out or sipping cocktails, there are plenty of things to do together that “don’t cost a lot of money,” said Discover. You might even win some points for creativity.
Be candid about your financial situation
As uncomfortable as divulging may feel in the moment, hiding your debt will not do your relationship any favors — particularly as things progress.
Of course, timing is key here, as is the seriousness of your relationship. “If you’re dating casually, there’s not a need to share the debt because you’re keeping it more at surface level. But if you’re dating with the intention of finding a long-term partner, it’s important to talk about it,” said Talia Bombola, a licensed marriage and family therapist, to The Wall Street Journal.
When you feel it is time to talk about money with your partner, “look for opportunities where the discussion flows naturally as part of a conversation,” said Discover. Additionally, said CNBC Select, “creating a safe space to encourage discussions about money with your partner will help you both ease into the conversation.”
Have a payoff plan in place
Something that can ease the debt reveal: if you (or your partner, if they are the one carrying the debt) already have a payoff plan in place and underway. In the aforementioned survey, “more than three-quarters of Americans (76%) say having consumer debt — like credit card or personal loan debt — wouldn’t be a relationship dealbreaker if the person had a plan to pay it off,” said NerdWallet.
Depending on the type of debt, it is possible that solutions may include stricter budgeting, a balance transfer credit card, a debt consolidation loan or a switch up in student loan repayment, such as refinancing.