Dear Ismael,
A relative’s daughter was staying with me and my husband for a few months while doing her medical school residency in Chicago. I went on an extended trip during this time and she was alone in the house with my husband.
She texted me to ask me to come back early from the trip because she was afraid my husband would leave the door open and let her cat out. I think she was just stressed out about taking her medical school exams. My husband isn’t the most conversational guy so it also might have felt awkward for her given I was not there to be the “social glue.”
I declined to interrupt my travels and hoped for the best. Did I do the right thing?
— Social Glue in 60647
Dear Social Glue,
Yes! You definitely chose correctly.
Those who are the designated problem solvers or “social glue” of a household need to pick their battles. That includes recognizing when it’s OK to step back and let people solve their own problems.
I empathize with the guest, though. I, too, would try my best to avoid conflict or awkward situations. But calling someone who is out of town to come back and solve a minuscule problem such as this? No, ma’am.
You were right to sit this one out because the solution to all that nonsense was simple. A quick conversation, even a little note by the door saying, “Please watch out for cat,” would have sufficed and saved her from all that stress. It for sure was not worth you canceling your trip.
This isn’t the most horrible thing someone could do, but still downright annoying and inconsiderate. Kudos to you for putting yourself first and not getting involved.
We can only hope she learned something from that experience. Something other than calling someone else to come fix a minor problem for her.
Write to Someone in Chicago at someoneinchicago@suntimes.com.