DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was dining solo, and a family with two small children was seated in my section. One toddler decided to treat the restaurant to prolonged, high-pitched shrieks.
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I didn’t want to cause a scene, but the shrieking was definitely ruining my experience. What’s a single diner to do?
GENTLE READER: Send over a cookie? Well, two, so that the other child doesn’t start to shriek. (Notice that Miss Manners assumes that you would rather solve the problem than punish the parents.)
Of course, you can simply ask to be reseated in a quieter area, if such is available. But surely the cookie solution is more satisfying — at least to you and the shrieker, if the parents don’t object.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do I have to host my in-laws for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner?
We all rotate who hosts, and it is probably my family’s turn. But my in-laws are terrible guests.
They show up late. They don’t take their shoes off. They offer to bring a side dish, but either don’t follow through or bring something entirely different. They let their kids run wild — jumping off the furniture, pulling out every toy, playing roughly and making messes.
After the family meal, they don’t offer to clean up or even clear the table. They just leave piles of dirty dishes everywhere while they sit and converse for hours.
I feel bad shirking my duty, but it’s not fun to be so stressed and resentful for the holidays.
GENTLE READER: Indeed, these are all good reasons not to want to entertain these difficult people. But Miss Manners can think of two good reasons to do so anyway:
1. They are your in-laws. 2. It is your turn.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have family members who respond to any of my misfortunes by explaining how they were smart enough to avoid the same situation.
For instance, my wedding ring often needs repairs, as the stones frequently fall out. My sister-in-law always reminds me that her ring does not do this because she chose a hardier style.
This happens in other circumstances, too.
GENTLE READER: The phrase you want is “How nice for you,” with the emphasis on the “for.” Repeat as necessary.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I address ChatGPT?
I deal with this creation every day. It responds to my questions and requests in a friendly, chatty manner. Its responses seem almost human.
Am I required to say “hello” to it before I begin? Must I say “please” when asking my questions? Must I thank it afterwards? Or is it acceptable to treat it as a mindless automaton — which it is?
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GENTLE READER: Yes, it is mindless. So are dolls and stuffed animals, but we encourage children to treat them kindly.
Why? To form habits of politeness.
The unfortunate requirement of saying “Hey!” to get the attention of a certain nonhuman helper has led to the widespread rudeness of summoning human beings the same way. How much better it is to distribute a few not-strictly-necessary pleases and thank-yous than to run the risk of developing coarse habits.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.