DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents run a guest house that is filled mostly with people they consider friends.
Guests often gather directly on the other side of a door that separates the guests’ quarters from ours.
When I close the door for privacy, it feels as if I am rudely shutting the door in the guests’ faces. When the door remains open, guests frequently walk into our quarters — uninvited, even in the middle of dinner — and interrupt us.
Is there something I can say politely as I close the door? Or is there a polite way I can voice my discontent for the unwelcome interruptions?
GENTLE READER: Please remind Miss Manners to tell the business world to stop getting into etiquette, because they take things that everyone understood and muddy them up beyond all recognition.
Yes, it is perfectly polite to close the door when you need privacy. All you have to do is go to the door, say, “Excuse me, I’m going to close the door for a little while now,” and do so.
No, there is no easy way to tell someone who appears at an open door that they are not welcome. At the very least, you will have to speak to them civilly and listen while they respond.
This was all perfectly simple until someone’s boss established an “open-door policy” and told everyone they were always available to talk — and then punished people foolish enough to take them seriously.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When walking or biking on a sidewalk or a trail, I often encounter three individuals walking or riding abreast.
Instead of their moving to single file to let me pass, I’m forced to move aside to the grass or curb.
When I was walking on a narrow pier, keeping to my side, I was approached by this woman walking on my side rather than staying on hers. I deliberately continued to walk straight toward her. We would have collided if I had not, once again, stepped aside.
Should I call out this rude behavior?
GENTLE READER: Yelling “gangway!” as you plow into the offending individuals might seem like a good idea, but it would put you on the wrong side of both etiquette and the rules of right-of-way.
One rudeness does not justify another. And being off-course does not relieve you of the duty to avoid a collision.
Miss Manners admits you might be in technical compliance were you to force them to change course by stopping in place. But this will be cold comfort if it results in your being run down. Better to step aside with a startling “Excuse me!” that will cause them to look up as they go by.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my friends is very seriously ill. I hosted a party and assumed they would not be able to attend, so I did not extend them an invitation.
It was very presumptuous of me and I feel awful. How can I apologize?
They discovered it partly through other friends talking about it.
GENTLE READER: “I feel terrible. I got confused and thought you had told me you were unavailable. Will you please forgive me?”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.