DEAR MISS MANNERS: I started going gray at age 14, so I’ve gotten a lot of comments about my appearance over the last 20 years — shockingly, all from women.
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From my friends’ moms (“You’re too young for gray hair!”) to professors (“You should really dye your hair; you look so old”) to strangers on the street, women seem to feel that the sisterhood grants them permission to say whatever they want about how I look. (To be fair, there have been many positive comments, too.)
I used to dye my hair, but stopped during the pandemic lockdown because I didn’t see any point in damaging my hair if hardly anyone would see it. By the time things opened up again, I’d gotten used to not spending my time, energy and money on changing the color of something that’s dead anyway. I don’t want to go back.
I’m married with children, and my husband and kids think that the natural gray actually makes me more beautiful. But in the last few years, I feel I’ve aged significantly, and have become a bit more sensitive about my appearance.
I was out for a walk with my 2-year-old when an elderly woman stopped me to ask whether I was his grandmother! I laughed and told her I’m only in my mid-30s, and she replied with, “But your hair!”
Sure, aging is a natural part of life and doesn’t need to be seen negatively. But it would be great if people didn’t assume I was decades older than I am, let alone tell me about it!
What’s a good way to reply when someone takes the liberty of telling me how old my hair makes me look?
GENTLE READER: “Thank you; I’m glad you like it.”
This response is for all the comments, not just the favorable ones. It alerts people to what kind of remarks are acceptable.
Miss Manners finds it strange that the unnatural dyed look is the approved standard. Her dear mother, who was a teacher, observed that children believed that when ladies grew old, their hair turned honey blond.
Please do not be influenced by rude people. Surely it is more important that your husband and children find you beautiful.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please tell me the correct way to eat oysters.
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GENTLE READER: Do not believe those who advise you to swallow them whole. That is, unless you want your fellow diners grabbing you from behind, or standing around and desperately trying to remember what they were taught in first-aid class.
Slippery little cusses that they are (the oysters, not your fellow diners), they can be speared with that tiny fork that Miss Manners trusts you were issued. Very large oysters can even be halved with the edge of that fork, although not easily. And no, you cannot use the shell as a spoon except at very informal occasions.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.