DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dear neighbor regularly walks their dog on our fairly remote suburban streets, which don’t have sidewalks, counter to the recommended method: They walk with traffic rather than facing it.
They also walk with earbuds, listening to who knows what, making it difficult to hear traffic coming behind them.
I have gently pointed out that it’s the law, and safer, to walk facing traffic so they can see the cars coming. Their answer is that “the dog tells me when cars are coming.”
The dog walks to their left, into the traffic lane, further endangering the animal.
Yes, motorists are careful when they pass my neighbor on the road, but they also must be nervous that the walker does not fully acknowledge them.
I sincerely care about this person and do not want to see them (or the dog) hurt. How can I impress upon them to follow the rules on walking safely?
GENTLE READER: You have tried. Now you are going to have to hope for the best — and remember that both etiquette and personal autonomy allow your neighbor to make their own choices.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a group email from a younger family member that included all of the relatives of my generation, and some younger. The subject was a beloved aunt who passed away years ago.
Apparently, this young man had been doing some ancestry research, and sent the family some of his results regarding my aunt. It was filled with police reports and news stories regarding a violent and traumatic experience that my aunt suffered when she was young.
It was devastating to learn of this. Her own children knew nothing of their mother’s experience.
I feel that this was an incredibly intrusive act, and can’t imagine what his motivation was in sharing information that my aunt quite clearly wanted to be kept private.
I’ve never responded, and I can’t think of a polite way to do so.
GENTLE READER: This conversation is going to involve correcting the young man’s manners — something that can only be properly done by a parent or other person with similar standing. Therefore, the first question for you to answer is not “how?” but “who?”
Once you know that, you can then ask that person to speak with him, saying that while you are sure his intentions were good, his actions were thoughtless.
As you said, the aunt obviously did not share the information herself because she wanted it kept private. Someone needs to alert him both to what he did and to the fact that, going forward, he needs to be more discreet.
Some follow-up communication, apologizing for his indiscretion, is likely necessary.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a word for a married couple’s parents to call each other?
We all live relatively close to each other and visit semi-regularly. No one I’ve asked has an answer. Maybe you can come up with something. I don’t really want to call them my “out-laws.”
GENTLE READER: Actual names usually work.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.