Dear Ismael,
I am thinking of changing careers. The problem is that I work with my spouse.
We have been in business together for 18 years, but I have been feeling like it’s time for me to move on. Before we started working together, I was a teacher for four years, and I’d like to go back to it. The work will pay less, but will allow me some independence while being more emotionally rewarding than the work we are doing now.
How should I open this discussion with my husband in order to minimize his anxiety a change like this might cause our relationship?
— Talking Business in 60462
Dear Talking Business,
I will always be a cheerleader for education. While the work is heavy and the pay not-so-great, helping students reach their full potential is so rewarding. At least that was my experience during my semester of student teaching while completing my music education degree.
A favorite memory was when I told a middle school student, who frequently walked out of class, she had a great tone. The next week she raised her hand and asked if she could go practice her scales. Change happens with kindness and encouragement.
With that said, you should definitely go for the career change if it’s something you believe would make you happy, both in life and in your relationship.
You have stood by your husband for almost 20 years — not just emotionally, but through the risks and enjoyments that come from going into business ventures. That’s commitment. And a strong testament of what makes a great partner — in love and business.
Don’t use those two decades working together as something that brings you guilt. Instead, use it as something that gives your relationship strength as you go through this next transition and, essentially, build the foundation of how your future together will be.
Make it a mutual and supportive departure
Most of the time, I advise people to be a little selfish, especially after a life of sacrifices. But not this time. Try to avoid the “do now, apologize later” method as much as you can.
Because your relationship with your husband wasn’t just a marital one, business-like negotiations will need to take place in order for both of you to reach a happy medium.
When you break the news, come with proactive solutions for stressors you anticipate your husband might experience without you. You can say something like: “I’ve been wanting to go back to teaching for a while now, but want to help set you and the business up for success before taking another job.”
You could offer to search for a dependable and experienced person to take over some of your essential tasks. Or since you know the ins and out of the business so much, offer to go over anything your husband needs extra hands or eyes on when you have some downtime.
Beyond business talk, ask him if he can be there and support you through this change. Whether that’s assisting you through the process of finding out what it takes to get back into teaching after so long, or simply being excited for you.
Just like you’ve depended on each other through all those years, this can be a supportive experience you do together, and not something you do solely by yourself and for yourself.
Benefits of not working with your spouse
Don’t let wanting some independence make you feel guilty. We need to be our own person in relationships, too, with our interests and with some time away to do things we are passionate about.
A little time apart during the day could spark new things to talk about during dinner, or allow you both to vent about stupid stuff that happened at work.
Mostly importantly, you’ll both get to experience the joy of what it’s like to come back home to your boo.
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