Dear Ismael,
How do you share good news with a friend who is going through a tough time, so as to not make them jealous?
— Breaking News in 60605
Dear Breaking News,
A good sign of a healthy friendship is the friend feeling happy for you when nice things happen in your life. Celebrating a loved one shouldn’t bring a dark cloud on their day.
However, I totally understand treading lightly to not make their misfortunes seem magnified next to your success.
This is where emotional intelligence and social cues come in. Read the room. You need to see how sensitive you have to be depending on what they are going through.
If they just went through a tough breakup, I don’t see anything wrong with you being happy about your own relationship going great. If they just lost their job, and you just got a promotion with a nice bonus, I would keep that to yourself. Not forever, though.
You also need to be realistic and see if you are having to be TOO sensitive around this person, and think about why that might be.
“How often do I have to hold on to good news around this person? Have they ever been as happy for me as I’ve been for them? Are these jealous feelings kind of ridiculous?”
If it’s a friend who gets triggered anytime you are happy, work on making that relationship healthier. But watch out for snakes.
There’s a difference between trying to avoid kicking someone while they’re down and having to hide your achievements from someone who would get upset because of them.
You shouldn’t diminish yourself around people who love you. A true friend wouldn’t want that. And that’s coming from me, a stranger.
Write to Someone in Chicago at someoneinchicago@suntimes.com.