Dear Ismael,
What’s your best advice for getting along with a brother-in-law one loves but who gets his news and world view from ONLY Fox News?
— Political Class in Lake View
Dear Political Class,
Thank you for writing in about this. I’m all for getting people whose views go against everything we represent out of our lives. I’ve done it before, and it felt good. But sometimes the world is bigger than just us, and in order to maintain peace with those we love, we have to face things that make us uncomfortable and try our best to work it out.
I was in the same boat when my best friend started dating someone with different political views. Then they bought a house together. Then they were engaged. By that point, our friend group realized the cold hard truth: “This guy makes her really happy.”
We didn’t exile her. Instead, we supported and celebrated her union, from watching her try on wedding dresses to lining up behind her as she said her vows. That wedding day was proof for all of us that this kind of relationship — not just between them, but with the bride’s diverse inner circle — could work.
A MAGA ranch full of Mexicans
They got married (on Jan. … 7th) at a ranch in Texas, where there were huge houses throughout the land.
The house the wedding party stayed at had an entertainment room with a painting of Donald Trump enjoying a card game with past Republican presidents. The house the bride was staying at had family photos on the walls of the property owners sporting guns, MAGA hats and flags.
We weren’t uncomfortable. We just couldn’t help but laugh it off, people making politics their whole personality.
But the actual ceremony? It was a majority of Mexican Americans. It featured me walking down the aisle as a bridesmaid. And my other gay best friend was the one who married our friend to a Republican.
It was a beautiful presentation of people with different views coming together to celebrate a union of people who loved each other.
Finding a common thread
Outside of big celebrations like that, we usually don’t talk about politics, debate current events or put our beliefs front-and-center.
When big political events do occur, like the Trump assassination attempt over the summer, the group chat definitely asked my friend how her husband was doing and what his perspective was about the whole situation.
But when it’s just another random Tuesday night and they come over, I advise you find commonalities to bond over that distances everyone from the elephant in the room. You already have a good subject to start with: your sibling.
Your sibling, like my best friend, was the glue that brought people of different views together. If you two care about your sibling enough to share the table with someone you don’t always agree with, then there’s hope of making it work.
Find something your sibling likes or dislikes, and share y’all’s take on it. Branch out from that and gossip about family or talk about movies or pop-culture trending news.
I know it isn’t easy. Some will make a point that how others vote affects a person’s lifestyle and future. And I agree with that. But this is reality. We are going to have to live and work with people who have opposing views and ideas.
When it’s just an acquaintance and it’s easy to cut the cord, I say go for it. But when it comes to a permanent person, we have to find a way to make it work.
I would rather stand by a loved one and try to make a relationship flourish than find reasons to isolate ourselves even further.
Write to Someone in Chicago at someoneinchicago@suntimes.com.