Dear Ismael,
How do I tell my wife that she is not being helpful enough around the house?
— Help Wanted in Highland Park
Dear Help Wanted,
As couples learn how to live happily with each other, they develop an agreement on how their relationship works and functions. And when life inevitably changes with new jobs, new kids and new bills, communication is crucial in order to keep everyone in line and the relationship evolving healthily and strongly.
“Since you’re now the last one to leave the house, could you possibly make the bed in the morning?”
“I’m going to pick up a few more hours at work, could you take care of car maintenance this month? Here is what needs updating”
“School starts in a few weeks and I have to start helping the kids with their homework in the evening. Could you start taking care of the dishes after dinner?”
Every relationship will have different needs, and there is a high chance responsibilities won’t seem equal between you two when you look at them in black and white.
A good way to reach everyone feeling like they are doing just “enough” is to sit down with your spouse and talk about splitting responsibilities equitably based on each of y’all’s availability and contribution toward the household. One could be the main breadwinner, while the other is the muscle at home. One could take care of hard labor around the house, while the other makes sure the kids are on top of their studies.
It’s OK to ask for help. Just remember the best way to file a complaint is to follow it up with a solution.
Write to Someone in Chicago at someoneinchicago@suntimes.com.