Dear Ismael,
How can one convey a desire to advance a relationship beyond friendship?
— More Than Friends in 60628
Dear More Than Friends,
Imagine them going to bed at night, you pop into your crush’s head and they begin to wonder about you: “Do they want me? They do check up on me often. They did say they love my smile. They did walk me home the other night after the concert.”
Those are good first steps, but beware. You don’t want them to follow that up with, “Well, they do that for most of their friends.”
If you want to convey a desire to go beyond being seen as just a friend, changes are needed to the way you communicate and how they see you.
You can still be friendly, but you have to stop treating your crush like a friend. And I’m not necessarily talking about changing your physical appearance, although it didn’t hurt Sandy from the 1978 motion picture “Grease,” but do lean into what might make you appealing as a potential partner for them.
You can do that by having more intimate hangouts with just you and them, and amplifying your sex appeal whenever you know you will see them. (Maybe that can be the next steamy thing they wonder about when they go to bed.) Or simply start by showing more interest in subjects you know they enjoy — bands, books, bongs. You know them better than I do.
You have to give them something that makes them differentiate your words, actions and intentions. Make them see you as someone who makes them feel good as a partner vs. someone who wants to wear matching friendship bracelets, for example.
Have fun! Enjoy this phase and don’t stress too much about it. Who knows? Maybe as you get to know them better, you may decide they would not be a good partner after all, and you’re OK with them seeing you as plain ol’ Sandra Dee.
Write to Someone in Chicago at someoneinchicago@suntimes.com.