DEAR HARRIETTE: My youngest sister is in the process of applying and being accepted to colleges — for the second time.
She’s had some trouble in the past in terms of staying focused and prioritizing her degree and her education, and now as she’s applying to get back into college, she’s constantly consulting her friends.
I won’t pass judgment on any of her friends because I don’t really know their track records all that well, but I worry that she is more concerned with going to the same school as friends than with using college as an opportunity to learn new things, meet new people and explore herself more.
Having friends going through the same things as you can be great, but I don’t want her to be too dependent on others or use friends as a crutch out of fear.
I don’t want to come off as controlling. I just don’t want to see her get distracted from another great opportunity.
— College Influences
DEAR COLLEGE INFLUENCES: Talk to your sister more, and offer to help her through the application process.
Ask her what she wants to study and what she wants to do with her life. Encourage her to select schools that specialize in her interests as her top priority. In this way, she can prepare herself for her future.
Without being too judgy, point out that if it works for her to attend college with her friends, that’s fine, but it should not be her priority. Each person has a destiny, and now is the time to start determining what hers is.
Remind her that being attached to her current friends is not necessarily part of it. You can tell her that many people who grow up together remain close even if they go to different schools, live in other cities and follow different paths. She doesn’t have to worry that she will lose her friends as she makes smart choices for her life.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Your response to “Sad Journalist,” the reader who was contemplating switching careers and going to law school, was good, but it didn’t address the writer’s concern about being a “40-year-old first-year lawyer.”
Take it from a (now retired) 42-year-old first-year accountant: Second careers can be highly successful and very fulfilling.
Don’t let the fact that all the other first-year lawyers are nearly 20 years younger concern you. In fact, you may find other first-year professionals starting their second — or even third — careers.
— Been There, Done That and So Happy I Did
DEAR BEEN THERE, DONE THAT AND SO HAPPY I DID: Thank you for sharing your experience. You are absolutely right.
I meet so many people who are transitioning from one profession into another. It used to be that people had a job or career, it lasted for 40 years and they got a gold watch. Not so anymore. It is relatively common for people to pivot at different points in their lives. There’s no shame in that! Plus, the experience that you have gained along the way in other areas will support you in your new role.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.