DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been fighting with my sister about her behavior around me and my family for years, and it’s reached a breaking point.
I have two daughters, ages 7 and 9, and every time their aunt comes to visit, I’m left feeling frustrated and upset.
My sister has a habit of using crude language, making inappropriate jokes and displaying poor manners, even when I’ve asked her repeatedly to tone it down around the kids.
What makes this even more difficult is that my girls adore their aunt. They look up to her, and her behavior is starting to rub off on them. I’ve noticed my daughters repeating some of the language she uses or mimicking her attitude, and it’s creating issues at home and school.
I’ve tried explaining this to my sister, but she brushes me off, saying I’m being uptight or overreacting.
I don’t want to cut my sister out of our lives, but I’m struggling to set boundaries that she’ll respect. She doesn’t seem to understand how important it is for me to create a positive and respectful environment for my children, and it’s causing a lot of tension between us.
How do I approach this situation without it turning into yet another fight?
— Foul Mouth
DEAR FOUL MOUTH: Put your foot down, and tell your sister she cannot spend time with your daughters unless she curbs the cursing and disrespectful behavior. Period.
Tell her that your children have begun to emulate her, and it is causing behavioral problems at school and at home. Be prepared to make good on your threat. If she misbehaves the next time you are together, shut the door on her for a while.
I had to make a no-cursing rule in our home when my daughter was little. One of our close friends cursed incessantly, and I gave him an ultimatum. In his case, he complied. Sometimes people do. If not, follow through.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I recently decided to take a big step in our relationship by moving in together, but it’s been nothing short of a disaster.
We’ve been living together for only three months, and it feels like all we do is fight. The arguments are constant, and they range from big issues to petty disagreements. One of the recurring themes is his inability to clean up after himself. It’s driving me crazy, and I’ve started to resent him for it.
It’s become clear to both of us that this relationship isn’t working. We’ve grown distant and frustrated, and neither of us seems happy. The problem is, we signed a one-year lease together, and breaking it would be a financial nightmare.
We live in New York City, and as you can imagine, finding affordable housing here is difficult. Neither of us wants to be stuck in this situation, but we don’t know how to get out of it without making things worse.
I feel trapped in a living arrangement with someone I no longer see a future with, and it’s creating an environment that’s tense and emotionally draining.
Is there a way to make things more bearable while we figure out our next steps?
— Slob
DEAR SLOB: Agree on terms for coexisting as roommates that include basic cleanliness. Do your best to be cordial, and make a plan for where you will move when the lease is up.
A year zips by. Prepare for the next one. Don’t forget to breathe!
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.