DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in the middle of planning my wedding, and as part of that, I’ve always dreamed of having a bachelorette trip with my closest friends in Italy.
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However, my bridesmaids, who I thought would be as excited as me, have expressed concerns about the trip. Many of them have said that it’s simply too expensive, and that with the cost of flights, accommodations and expenses while we’re there, it’s just not realistic for them.
I understand that Italy is a big ask and that people have different financial situations, but I can’t help feeling disappointed.
I would cover some of the costs if I could, but with all of the wedding expenses, I’m not sure I can do much more than I’m already doing to help.
Some of my friends have even suggested doing something local or more affordable, but it just doesn’t feel the same to me. I don’t want them to feel pressured or guilty, yet I also don’t want to give up on my dream trip.
How do I handle this without making my friends uncomfortable or feeling like I’m pushing them into something they can’t afford? Should I let go of the Italy trip and compromise, or is there a way to make this work so everyone can feel included without the financial strain?
— Bachelorette Dreams
DEAR BACHELORETTE DREAMS: You do not have to give up on the idea of taking a trip to Italy, but it sounds like you will not be able to do it with your bridesmaids.
They have made it clear to you that they cannot afford to go, and you have figured out that you cannot afford to finance their trip. So let that plan go. Now concentrate on other options.
Can Italy be your honeymoon destination? Maybe you and your spouse can enjoy the experiences you had wanted for you and your girlfriends.
Perhaps you can talk to your friends about planning a girlfriends’ trip down the line after you are married and everybody has recovered financially from the wedding expenses. A delayed international getaway can still be fun.
Know that your wedding is likely costing your bridal party more than they can afford already. Just as it is pricey for you, there are lots of costs that creep up around a wedding that are not part of a person’s normal budget.
Be sensitive to what you are already requiring of your bridesmaids. Take a breath, and recast your vision for this trip.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Bea” is popular, and I am not. She’s a cheerleader and is one of the popular kids, while I’m just a normal student who has fallen deeply in love with her.
My parents have told me not to take it seriously and to focus on my studies, but I can’t help how I feel. I’m constantly jealous as I watch her with others, knowing she doesn’t feel the same way about me.
The more I try to push these feelings aside, the stronger they seem to become. I feel lost and unsure of what to do with my emotions.
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Should I let go and move on, or continue hoping that one day she’ll see me for who I am?
— Unrequited Love
DEAR UNREQUITED LOVE: Lick your wounds and move on. It isn’t worth it to wait for Bea. At this moment in her life, she doesn’t see you the way you see her.
Cast your gaze somewhere else so that you can feel whole. Seek out new friends, and live your life.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.