DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate and I have been living together for about six months now, and while things were fine at first, we’ve recently started fighting over the chores in our apartment.
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The main issue is that I always end up being the one who has to clean the shared areas because she refuses to do her part and clean up her messes.
When we first moved in together, we agreed to split the chores evenly. We even made a chore chart to help keep track of our responsibilities.
For the first few weeks, everything went smoothly. However, it didn’t take long for her to start slacking off. Dishes would pile up in the sink, the living room would be cluttered with her belongings and the bathroom would become increasingly dirty.
Whenever I mentioned the chore chart or asked her to help out, she would make excuses or promise to do it later, but she rarely followed through.
This has led to a lot of tension between us. I hate living in a dirty apartment, so I end up cleaning the shared areas myself just to maintain some level of cleanliness.
The situation has become so stressful that I find myself avoiding her just to prevent another fight.
How can I get my roommate to understand how important it is for both of us to contribute to the household chores?
— Messy Roommate
DEAR MESSY ROOMMATE: Sadly, you are experiencing a common problem for roommates, and you will have to confront her in order to have any chance of making things better.
You should not have to suffer in filth in order to be sensitive to her feelings. Call a meeting with her, and go through your list of grievances. Let her know that you believe it is unfair and disrespectful for her to treat the shared spaces in your apartment with such neglect.
Remind her that the two of you agreed on chores as well as a general sense of what tidiness means for your space, and she has not been holding up her side of the deal.
Invite her to start anew. Reestablish days of the week for overall cleaning. Ask her to do basic things to clean up after herself, like washing her dishes and putting away her belongings.
If she continues to refuse to make an effort, check the terms of your lease and start planning an exit strategy.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in a real estate company, and lately, I’ve been drowning in work stress.
My co-worker, who’s usually my go-to for support, has been ghosting me and brushing off my messages and requests for help. I’ve tried to collaborate with him, but he seems totally uninterested and dismissive of my struggles.
It’s hurtful and frustrating, especially since I’ve always had his back when he needed a hand. There are multiple occasions when he has been swamped and I stayed late to help him out, no questions asked.
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I’m not sure how to bring it up with him without things getting awkward. It’s tough feeling like I’m flying solo when I thought I had a solid work buddy in my corner.
— Work Bud
DEAR WORK BUD: Be direct. Tell him how disappointed you are that he hasn’t stepped up to support you since you have always supported him.
You need his help now. Will he give it? If not, write him off. Get your work done, and open your eyes to see who can be your new ally.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.