DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been feeling concerned about my teenage daughter lately. She’s started spending time with a new group of friends who are really into extreme sports like skateboarding and parkour.
Related Articles
Harriette Cole: My daughter doesn’t know what was behind this humiliating snub
Harriette Cole: My mother-in-law says things like, ‘What happened to your face?’
Harriette Cole: I want to go to the family reunion but I’m not ready to open up about my life
Harriette Cole: I was the life of the party, until suddenly I wasn’t
Harriette Cole: How can I be honest with the bride without hurting her feelings?
This is a big shift from the activities we’ve always encouraged, such as volunteering and participating in community events.
Last night she mentioned planning a parkour session at an old factory, and it made me uneasy. I’m worried about the risks involved and how this new interest might pull her away from the values we’ve worked hard to instill.
I know that today’s generation seems to have different sensitivities compared to ours, and I’m reluctant to simply forbid her from pursuing her interests.
I want to discuss my concerns with her, but I’m not sure how to approach the conversation without pushing her away. How can I express my worries while remaining supportive and keeping our lines of communication open?
— Concerned Parent
DEAR CONCERNED PARENT: Rather than forbidding her from these activities, learn about them alongside her.
Encourage your daughter to use the proper safety gear and to be careful. Telling her she can’t do something would likely lead to her doing it without informing you.
I recommend supporting her exploration of these sports with caution while also remembering community service. Participate in volunteer opportunities as a family while encouraging her to tell you about her extreme sports activities.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I are in the middle of planning our wedding, and we’re facing a disagreement about the guest list.
I envision a small, intimate ceremony with close friends and family, while my partner wants to invite a large number of their extended family and work colleagues. This has led to tension between us, and I’m struggling to find a compromise.
At a recent family gathering, one of my partner’s more distant relatives expressed excitement about the wedding and mentioned hoping to be included. It was a sweet moment, but it heightened my anxiety about the guest list growing too large.
I can see how much it means to my partner to have everyone they care about there, but the enthusiasm has made the list feel overwhelming.
I’ve suggested having a small ceremony followed by a larger reception, but my partner is concerned this might feel disjointed.
How can we approach this conversation to find a solution that respects both our visions and keeps the planning process positive?
— Wedding Woes
DEAR WEDDING WOES: Why not start by creating a budget? Price out the cost of a wedding the size your partner wants to host along with one that feels realistic to you.
Related Articles
Asking Eric: Should we go to the wedding even though we’re Californians?
Miss Manners: Nobody acknowledges that it’s a very intrusive question
Dear Abby: Our door latch has become a huge issue, and I’m ready to leave my marriage
Asking Eric: My wife wants to know my workplace secret, and she doesn’t care about the NDA
Harriette Cole: My daughter doesn’t know what was behind this humiliating snub
Work backward in terms of desires and costs. Talk about all of the elements that are important to you both. Describe your vision of your wedding and the party.
Your idea could be a welcome compromise if you can show it to your partner with a vivid description and possibly images from references you research.
Many couples do a combo of intimate ceremony and larger party. Show your partner how the party can be special for everyone with a ceremony that is reserved to immediate family and closest friends.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.