DEAR HARRIETTE: Six months ago, my grandmother passed away and left me a significant inheritance.
Related Articles
Harriette Cole: He doesn’t want my grandmother to live with us when we’re married
Harriette Cole: I’ve run out of excuses for not coming to see her baby
Harriette Cole: My weekend guest wore high heels and a miserable attitude
Harriette Cole: Something has started to bug me about my teen’s friend
Harriette Cole: My in-laws insist on this wedding rule, and I think I know why
I’m 24, and my 25-year-old husband unexpectedly quit his job without consulting me, believing the inheritance meant he would no longer need to work.
I had made it clear that we needed to save the money for our future and continue living as we were.
Despite my efforts to make him understand the importance of saving, my husband refuses to apply for new jobs, leaving me to cover our bills for the past few months.
How can I handle this situation? I want to honor my grandmother’s legacy by using this money wisely.
— Burdened Inheritor
DEAR BURDENED INHERITOR: Sit down with your husband and tell him that your grandmother’s inheritance is off-limits. You will no longer be using any of it for your daily life, so he will have to get a job.
If he refuses and assumes that you and your inheritance will now be the principal provider for your family, you will have to decide whether this is a dealbreaker.
A healthy marriage requires shared values, planning, compromise and flexibility. If he is unwilling to budge on how to use your money, that should be a huge red flag.
I have a friend whose husband inherited a sizable amount of money from his family. They agreed that this money would be reserved for their children, should they have any, but not earmarked for any current use. In this way, the money would remain in the family for the next generation — it was a plan for the future. Recommend something like that.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a single parent to my amazing 11-year-old son, and I’ve come across a career opportunity that could really advance my professional growth.
However, pursuing this chance would mean longer hours and occasional travel, and balancing my career aspirations with my responsibilities as the sole caregiver is quite challenging.
With how the world works today, I feel hesitant to leave my son in the care of other people without my supervision, even when they are relatives.
What advice do you have for maintaining a healthy balance between work and family life in this demanding situation? Your guidance would be greatly appreciated.
— Single Parenthood
DEAR SINGLE PARENTHOOD: Look at your network of family and friends. Who do you trust to look after your son when needed? Talk to those people to discover their willingness to help.
Related Articles
Miss Manners: Why do customers think it’s OK to say these things to me?
Dear Abby: A year into our marriage, everything changed. Should I walk?
Asking Eric: Why did nobody tell me about my son’s affair? I might have fixed things.
Harriette Cole: He doesn’t want my grandmother to live with us when we’re married
Miss Manners: I can tell my co-workers resent me because I got this perk
Don’t give up on your dream. Instead, plan it out carefully. Yes, some trust is needed, but many communities work together with families to ensure that the children are well cared for.
When my career shifted when my daughter was very young, even with a husband, I hired a nanny and enlisted friends and family to help. You have to be discerning and follow up a lot to make sure that whoever is caring for your child is following your guidelines, but it can and usually does work.
Congratulations on this career opportunity!
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.