Some wise-apple in the Grading The Week offices, the one with the autographed photo of the late Norm Macdonald in his cubicle, suggested we lead off this week’s edition with a joke about the Rockies being on autopilot for about two-and-a-half years now.
But come on. We’re above such things. Aren’t we?
(Spoiler alert: We’re not.)
This will come as a shock to exactly none of you, but the franchise on 20th & Bleak is weird. Like, really weird. Analysts think they’re weird. Insiders think they’re weird. Sabermatricians think they’re weird. Other teams think they’re weird. Other executives and coaches in completely unrelated sports think they’re weird. Weird Al thinks they’re weird.
(OK, we’re assuming on that last one. You get the point.)
But we’ve gotta tell ya: This past week for the Rox was just straight-up, stone-cold weird. Even by Monfort standards.
When a rainout to start a homestand is arguably the best news over a seven-day stretch … you’ve had a lousy week, my friends.
The Hard Rox Life — D-
Let’s recap with a quick timeline, shall we?
Grab some popcorn. Or a Xanax.
• April 12: Relief pitcher Daniel Bard is lost for the season after elbow surgery.
• April 15: Staff ace Kyle Freeland appears to injure his shoulder on a collision at home plate vs. Philadelphia. As a pinch-runner.
• April 16, Part I: The highly-compensated and oft-injured Kris Bryant (audible gasp!) heads to the injured list with a lower back strain.
• April 16, Part II: The Rockies complete a two-country, east-coast road trip with a 1-5 record. That drops Colorado to 4-15 on the young season, the franchise’s worst-ever record after its 19 opening games.
• April 19, Part I: Freeland (remember him?) is placed on the 15-day IL with an elbow strain. He said the Phillies injury didn’t have anything to do with it, but that he felt discomfort during his start this past Sunday at Toronto. Which means that, even if the two issues are unrelated, manager Bud Black sent his best starting pitcher out as a base-runner a day after said starting pitcher’s arm was acting up. Got it.
• April 19, Part II: A video posts to social media of hitting coach Hensley Meulens sitting in a pilot’s seat during a chartered flight from Denver to Toronto. While the plane was in the air. That’s not good, right? Actually, that’s a safety violation, and both the FAA and United Airlines announce that they’re conducting investigations.
(Look, we get that baseball travel is boring, the season’s long, yada-yada, but in a post-9-11 world, there’s a reason the feds have those safety measures in place. If you’re brazen enough to do this and reckless enough to post it online, don’t expect the winds of karma to be at your back. Unless one of the co-pilots happens to be Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, stay the heck out of the cockpit, capisce? Also, the guy with the Norm Macdonald photo now can’t stop quoting the 1980 classic “Airplane!” now.)
• April 19, Part III: Rockies-Mariners at Coors is rained/snowed/sleeted out.
So, hey, at least things sorta ended on a high note. Although Rox fans sure picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.