DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, “Jessica,” thinks I’ve cheated on her because I didn’t come home right away after being given the day off work.
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My grandparents were away on vacation that day. When they go away, they want me to check on their house and bring in the mail and newspaper. On this particular day, I went there straight from work, did what needed to be done and spent half the day there. I even took a nap in the recliner.
Now Jessica insists that I cheated when I simply was hanging out at my grandparents’.
To add to the situation, we have a daughter on the way, and Jessica doesn’t want me in the delivery room.
She’s blowing everything out of proportion. She was in a nine-year abusive relationship, and her ex cheated numerous times, so I’m not sure if her actions stem from her past relationship.
I’m having a hard time understanding why she’s doing this with a baby on the way, when I’ve been nothing but faithful and good to her.
— ALMOST-EX IN MISSOURI
DEAR ALMOST-EX: It would have been considerate to have called your pregnant girlfriend from your grandparents’ house to let her know you would be returning later than expected. Not having done that was your mistake, nothing more.
Her over-the-top accusation of infidelity may have stemmed from a hormone imbalance caused by her pregnancy. It could also, as you stated, be the result of her disastrous nine-year romance with her abuser.
Because she has trust issues, it’s important you consider couples counseling with her.
As to wanting you absent when your child is born, she may have said it to retaliate for your imagined cheating, or to spare you the sight of her in pain.
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my current wife for 12 years after a terrible divorce. She is very kind.
The problem is, I work 40 to 50 hours a week, and do all the cooking and grocery shopping and about 90% of the cleaning. I have spoken several times to her about helping more around the house since she doesn’t work.
My wife smokes pot every day, sleeps until 3 p.m. and doesn’t contribute anything beyond being nice to me. I come home to a trashed house and have to prepare dinner, clean up and get ready for work the next day.
I may have PTSD from my first failed marriage.
What can I do? I’m ready to give up and just take care of myself.
— DOESN’T WANT TO HURT ANYMORE
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DEAR DOESN’T: You may not have PTSD. You do have such low self-esteem that you’ve been willing to tolerate (for 12 years!) a marriage in which you do everything while your wife sleeps and spends her waking hours on cloud nine.
Tell this “kind” woman to sober up and help you. Give her a two-day deadline. If she doesn’t cooperate, consult an attorney. It may cost you money or some assets acquired during the marriage, but from your description of what has been going on for so long, it will be worth it.
P.S. Once she is gone, stay single for a few years.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.