DEAR ABBY: I’m the mother of a 16-year-old girl, “Leia.” She has been living with my parents since she was 10 because that’s what she and my folks wanted at the time.
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I didn’t want her to, but I allowed it to happen because I was having health issues. Leia chose to remain there because my parents spoiled her rotten, and they continue to spoil and pamper her.
This has resulted in her becoming the most self-centered, demanding, disrespectful person my parents and I have ever seen, and they now want her to live with me.
I predicted (to myself only) that she’d turn out this way due to their “parenting.” My parents created an entitled teenager and now they expect me to suffer the consequences of what they did. They guilt-trip me with their health problems as a reason they want her to leave.
I do not want her to come here. I don’t want to have to deal with her attitude and try to prevent her from running away.
I also don’t want to lose my daughter forever because they kicked her out, but she doesn’t like my rules. What advice do you have?
— MOM OF A MONSTER
DEAR MOM: Your parents took your daughter in because of your health issues. You enabled their poor parenting to continue by allowing your daughter to live with them and not speaking up.
Ultimately, Leia is your responsibility until she is 18, and possibly longer.
Your parents must now explain to Leia that because of their poor health, she will be staying with you. As a minor, this decision is not hers to make. (It shouldn’t have been in the first place.)
When she and her belongings arrive, explain what your house rules will be and the reasons for them. If she threatens to run away, point out that if that happens, she may become a ward of the state, and foster care could be less pleasant than staying with the mother who loves her but doesn’t like who Leia has become while living with the grands.
DEAR ABBY: Two couples I know are getting married soon. Both couples plan on having small, intimate weddings in the near future and larger, grander weddings later on. Each has their own reasons for doing so.
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What’s the gift policy when someone holds two weddings? I have already purchased something for one couple’s upcoming small wedding and will likely attend their big one, but must I buy them a gift for that one as well? Or is one gift at the small wedding for each couple enough?
— EXCITED GUEST IN OHIO
DEAR GUEST: Wedding gifts are given in celebration of the wedding. What these friends are scheduling is an “event” following their intimate wedding.
No rule of etiquette demands that you give the couple two separate gifts.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.