DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Leon,” and I have been together for 13 years. He is bisexual — gay-leaning. I knew this when we got together.
I am 51, and Leon is 32. We have an 11-year-old daughter together, and I have two grown kids from a previous marriage.
We still love each other deeply, but he is also in a relationship with a man. His boyfriend is 21.
I was always OK with Leon having friends with benefits. But this new relationship has me feeling lost and confused. I don’t want our marriage to be ruined because of his relationship with this man, and I’m afraid it might well happen.
After having been married for so long, it feels like my best friend is being ripped from me also. We have been through a lot together. This tidal wave of emotions is getting the better of me.
Please help. I don’t know what to do.
— LOSING HOPE IN IDAHO
DEAR LOSING HOPE: When you married Leon, you did it knowing it would be an open marriage. Neither you nor your husband took into account that he might meet someone he could fall deeply in love with.
Under the circumstances, your feelings are understandable. Couples counseling may help you to adjust to the new reality, and I heartily recommend it. Your doctor should be able to refer you.
DEAR ABBY: I’m hurt and angered by the shunning I’m experiencing from my family because they disapprove of my incarcerated fiance.
I’m in my 60s, and I have worked for 20 years as a counselor in higher education. I’m engaged to a wonderful man who is serving a life sentence in the South.
We have been writing and talking via phone and video for more than two years. We recently had our first visit. We love each other very much.
I just moved to his state so we can visit every month and so I can be close to his family.
My family has now blocked me on social media, on the phone and on email. Before they did it, they told me I’m mentally disturbed and said they want nothing more to do with me.
I have tried several times to extend an olive branch, but they ignore me. Is there anything I can do to reconnect?
— SHUNNED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SHUNNED: Your relatives may feel the way they do because they are concerned for you, or the crime for which your fiance was imprisoned frightens them for their own safety should he be released someday.
Is he eligible for parole, or will your relationship continue to be a once-a-month visit in perpetuity?
You appear to be an educated, caring individual. But do not count on reuniting with your family — at this point, their minds appear to be made up.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.